Sequel The Oddities of Destiny
by LostWithoutYou101
Summary: It’s been four years, four years since the wedding, four years since meeting and falling for Nathan than leaving him.. Now she’s going back, back to Tree Hill, back to see that somthing’s have changed – for better or for worse.
1. Chapter 1

**Ah Hi.. as you can see this is the sequel to The Oddities of Fate - so to all those who haven't read the first story it might be an idea to read it first.. just to catch up on what has been going on. - Thanks for your time.**

**On to the story:**

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* * *

Hayley's P.O.V**

_Four year's later_

* * *

"What time does your flight leave?" 

My eyes immediately darted away from Ethan's face as I threw the last of my clothes into my suitcase. My stomach was twisting itself into knots and my throat felt dry and parched. For a strange, unexplainable reason, I found that I could not look him in the eyes as I opened my mouth to reply.

"Around five-thirty." I closed and zipped the suitcase, noticing that my hands were visibly shaking.

"Do you want me to take you to the airport? I've got the car until tomorrow," he said, his gaze still fixed upon me.

I sighed as I shook my head, flopping down onto my bed and burying my head in my hands. The humid August air hung thick in my apartment, so heavy I felt as though I were swimming in a sea of suitcases and boxes. I felt sick as I sat there, my stomach churning and the heat suffocating me, but I knew it had nothing to do with the humidity and everything to do with the fact that I was leaving for North Carolina that night and had still not broken up with Ethan, my boyfriend of more than a year.

I found myself lying on my bed, a million thoughts and memories racing through my mind. College was over and my degree in Law from NYU was safely packed away in my suitcase, along with the memories of the past four years of my life. I had been offered an opportunity to join with one my father's Law Companies, and while I had been reluctant to accept it, I had decided that I needed the money and wasn't in any position to be picky about work. The job required me to relocate to North Carolina, forcing me to let go of the life I had made for myself in New York.

When I had first accepted the job, I had imagined that saying goodbye to Ethan would be devastating, much like saying goodbye to my first love that had been four years previously. But now that the moment had arrived, I didn't feel devastated at all. In fact, a small part of me felt relieved to be free and on my own again, completely self-reliant and independent. In my own way I knew that I loved Ethan, but it wasn't the type of extraordinary love that I had found myself longing for. It seemed as though I had been on a fruitless search for the past four years, looking for something I somehow knew I'd never find.

"Hayley?" Ethan's voice floated into my ears, breaking me away from my thoughts. "Is everything all right?"

I looked at him then, a feeling of dread settling upon me as my eyes locked with his. I knew that what I was about to do would break his heart, and knowing that I was going to hurt him caused my own heart to ache.

"No, it's not," I replied, sighing. "I...I'm scared."

"Of what?" he asked, sitting beside me on the bed and putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Hurting you," I said, my eyes fixed on my hands. "I'm leaving tonight, Ethan. I'm moving away and I'm not coming back anytime soon. How do you expect this to work with the semi distance between us?"

Suddenly my mind flashed back to an eerily similar conversation that had taken place four years previously, except then I had been staring into piercing blue eyes instead of shining brown ones.

He stared at me for a moment, shifting his position on the bed. I saw the doubt swimming around in his dark eyes, doubt that he was desperately trying to hide from me. "I don't know. We'll just make it work. We can overcome the semi distance, right?"

"I want to believe that we can," I said, although I knew it wasn't entirely true. "But I know that we can't."

"What are you saying, Hayley?" His voice was quiet and laced with hurt, and his arm had suddenly abandoned its place from around my shoulders.

"I don't think that this is going to work out," I said. "I don't think that we should hold each other back."

"But I love you," he said softly, and my eyes filled with tears.

"I love you too," I replied, a tear slowly making its way down my cheek. "But what if there are better people out there for us? How will we ever know if we stay together in a relationship separated by a distance? It's not fair to either of us."

"But what if there _aren't_ better people out there for us? What if we're it for each other?" he asked, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Then we'll find our way back to each other," I said, my hand finding his. "But right now, we're just not meant to be together."

He sat in silence for a few moments, wiping away the tears that had fallen from his dark eyes. He lifted his head and looked at me, and I knew then that he understood.

"I know that you're right," he said at last. "But I want you to know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And I'm going to miss you like hell when you leave tonight."

"I'll miss you too. I'll call you when I get there, okay?" I squeezed his hand, watching as a small smile spread across his lips.

"Okay," he said, squeezing my hand back. "Bye, Hales." He stood from the bed and I followed suit; he reached out for me and hugged me tightly, placing his lips softly to mine before leaving my apartment.

* * *

My eyes were heavy as the plane soared through the endless night sky, carrying me over the country I had silently vowed never to cross again. In the rare moments when I allowed myself to recall the summer I had spent in Tree Hill as a headstrong girl of eighteen, I remembered trivial things, preferring to block out the more important events that I had experienced during those three months. The important moments were considered dangerous territory in my mind, mainly because I had spent the better part of four years convincing myself that I had moved on from Nathan. And in reality, I had. I no longer found myself missing his touch or his smile, no longer found myself wishing that I were staring into his eyes instead of someone else's. That part of my life had passed and had been packed away neatly in the back of my mind, only resurfacing in the dreams that occasionally plagued my subconscious. 

That first year, however, had been hard. I had berated myself over and over again for letting Nathan slip through my fingers when I could have had him the entire time. But our separation had been mutual, and for once I hadn't been the only one that was afraid. We knew that we loved each other, but it was impossible to make the semi distance smaller. As we sat on the dock of the summerhouse that he had brought back into my life, we had promised each other that we'd always be friends. But that promise had faded as the years passed, and soon our weekly phone calls had turned into short, awkward messages relayed on birthdays and holidays. We had changed and I had accepted that; we had transformed into two different people with different interests and different priorities. But that didn't quite alleviate the hurt that still lingered when I saw his face on sport magazine covers or when I heard his voice booming of his basketball win from the television.

I checked my cell phone and realized that there was only a few minutes left before I would arrive at the airport, and would no doubt be bombarded with hugs and kisses from Peyton and Aunt Karen. My father had offered to receive me at the airport but I had declined his offer; I hadn't forgiven him yet and wasn't planing to any time soon. Some things, I knew, never changed.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hayley's P.O.V

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**"Hayley!" 

I jumped, startled by the loud, shrieking voice that had called out my name. My eyes instantly landed upon its source: Peyton stood at the end of baggage claim, her blonde hair longer than it had been the last time I'd seen her, her familiar honey eyes sparkling with warmth and excitement. I smiled as I walked towards her; I already felt like I was home.

"I hope that's not all that you've brought with you," she said, eyeing my two suitcases skeptically. "You do realize that you're not here for a visit, don't you?"

"Of course I do," I replied, rolling my eyes. "But I couldn't exactly bring my couch and refrigerator on the plane with me, could I?"

"Suppose not," she said with a smile. "I'm assuming that means that we'll be furniture shopping sometime in the near future."

"I'd say that's a very valid assumption." I inwardly groaned at the prospect of shopping, but knew that living in an empty flat wouldn't suit me at all. "So where's your mom? I thought she'd be here with you."

"Well, your flight came in a bit too early for her taste, so she stayed home and is probably fixing breakfast for us as we speak. Rachel came with me instead. She's waiting outside in the car."

I nodded, dragging one of my massive suitcases behind me as Peyton struggled with the other. "I hope she doesn't drive a damn Mini Cooper," I said with a sigh, "because my stuff definitely won't fit inside of it."

"No, she's just bought one of those...oh, what are they called? Oh well, it doesn't matter. You'll see it for yourself soon enough." She pushed through the doors that led to the parking area, her long blonde hair dancing behind her.

Parked near the entrance was a brand new Land Rover with tinted windows. Peyton rushed toward it, motioning for me to follow. Throwing my bags into the vehicle's backseat, she ushered me inside and climbed into the passenger seat. Behind the wheel sat Rachel, her hair a shocking shade of blonde and her normally mischievous eyes covered by sunglasses. I stared at her, confusion etched onto every inch of my face.

"Hey, Hayley," she greeted me, with a smile. She started the engine and drove out of the waiting area, turning into a street off the airport.

"Hi," I replied, surprise evident in my voice. "You look...different."

"The hair, I know. Wonted a change." She sighed, removing her sunglasses. "But now I bloody well hate it. I should have gone for blonde highlights instead, an entire head of it is way to much."

Beside her, Peyton laughed. "You're right. Only _natural_ blondes can really pull off the look."

"Shut up," Rachel growled, her expression souring.

"Well, aside from your recent transition into the world of blondes," I began, smirking slightly, "how have you been? It's been ages since you last visited."

"I know," she replied, sighing. "I've been busy with work for a bit now and things with Matt have kept me rather busy." At this, Peyton began laughing harder once again.

"I bet," I said with a wink. "I'm sure you've just been _exhausted,_ you poor thing."

"I guess that's what too much sex does to you," Peyton added, smirking.

Rachel rolled her eyes and let out a small scoff of disgust. "I'm so glad both of you find my sex life so interesting. Perhaps you ought to get one yourselves."

"I _do_ have one, thank you very much," Peyton replied matter-of-factly, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Just last night, Jake and I..."

"Okay, nobody needs to hear about that," I interrupted, pulling a face. "Your sexcapades with Jake are of no interest to anyone in this vehicle."

"I agree," said Rachel, nodding her head. Peyton shrugged and grinned, refocusing her attention once again on me.

"So," she began, her honey eyes twinkling brightly, "tell me a little bit more about this bloke you've been dating. What's his name? Aaron? Ian?"

"Ethan," I said, my tone sounding much harsher than I had intended. "And I'm not dating him anymore."

"When did this happen?" Rachel asked as she turned onto a busy road, some of cars driving past us in a blur of color. "I thought the two of you were getting serious."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling a familiar sense of unease settling upon me. It had been over four years since Nathan and I had decided to part ways, but in the minds of Peyton and Rachel, I had never quite gotten over our relationship. Every failed relationship I'd had since had been blamed on the feelings that still lingered for Nathan, at least according to those two. I almost felt insulted at their complete lack of faith in me, preferring to believe that I was still a lovesick eighteen-year-old instead of the more mature woman I had become.

"I didn't think it was fair to hold each other back," I replied evenly, watching as Rachel and Peyton exchanged knowing looks.

"You don't learn from your mistakes, do you?" Peyton asked bluntly, rolling her eyes at me in the process.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" I asked sharply.

"It means that you're doing the same thing you've always done. Run away." Peyton gave me a pointed look, her eyes staring straight into my own.

"I'm not running away from anything," I protested, feeling the heat in my face rising. "It was mutual, Peyton. It wouldn't have worked out with the distance between us."

"Is it just me, or does your break-up with Ethan bear an uncanny resemblance to your break-up with Nathan?"

I stared at Peyton, shaking my head. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she brought him up, despite her knowing that I had no desire to talk about him. I started to argue in protest, but Rachel interrupted.

"Peyton, Hayley's love life is _not_ our business. Leave it alone." Through the rearview mirror, she offered me a small smile.

"Fine," Peyton huffed, slumping back into her seat. "Subject change."

I shifted my gaze towards the window, watching the streets of Tree Hill pass me by again. As the early morning sun began to peek over the buildings in the background. Everything seemed to be the same as it had when I was here four years ago, old and new all at once; I sighed, pressing my head against the cool glass of the window, my eyes focused on the buildings that flew past me.

Soon the car was rolling down a familiar road, a road that led to a home filled with memories I had treasured for the past four years. In the early morning sunlight the house loomed into view, almost exactly the same as I remembered it. Rachel parked the car and we stepped out into the dewy morning, my lips slowly turning upward in a smile.

"Don't worry about the luggage," Rachel said as I turned to grab my bags. "I'll take you over to your new flat later."

I smiled slightly and nodded as I followed the two girls into the house, the scent of bacon hitting me instantly. My mouth was watering, eager to consume the scrumptious breakfast Aunt Karen had prepared.

I thought I had prepared myself for the bone-crushing hug Aunt Karen was sure to give me once her eyes landed upon me, but as soon as the kitchen door swung open and I was in her line of vision, I realized by the sheer look on her face that I wasn't quite as prepared as I originally thought.

"Hayley!" she shrieked, rushing towards me and wrapping her arms around me in a warm, albeit oxygen-depriving, hug. At first I didn't think I'd ever catch my breath, but after a few moments she loosened her grip and held me at arm's length, her wide, sparkling eyes examining every inch of me.

"Hi Aunt Karen," I said happily as she continued to inspect me, flashing her a bright smile.

Her warm smile appeared on her face, making me feel as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be. In that moment I didn't feel as though I had just left my entire life behind me to start over in Tree Hill; instead, I felt like I was home.

"Hayley," she said again, her smile still in place. "I'm so happy to see you, dear."

"I'm glad to be back," I said, and I meant it.

Her eyes traveled over me once again and she shook her head slightly. "You look underfed, Hayley. Haven't you been eating in New York?"

"Yes," I replied, smiling to myself. Aunt Karen had always been like a second mother to me, and I had expected her to scold me for my appearance. In the weeks leading up to my departure from New York, my mind had been so cluttered that food hadn't crossed it once. But now as the scent of Aunt Karen's cooking filled my senses, my stomach began to rumble in hunger.

"Get into the kitchen and have yourself some breakfast," she ordered, pointing towards the door. I grinned and nodded, walking into the kitchen as Peyton and Rachel followed.

* * *

The sky was burning a vibrant orange as the sun began to set, bathing Tree Hill homes and sidewalks in deep gold. My body was exhausted but my mind was sharp and alert as my eyes absorbed the scene that surrounded me, a feeling of serenity falling upon me. It had been ages since I'd felt so relaxed, so completely comfortable in my surroundings. New York had suited me well, but I had found myself feeling restless as the prospect of moving to Tree Hill moved closer to the front of my mind. Although it had been difficult to admit, I had found myself longing for the lake, the scent of rain and my family.

The truth was that while my life was fulfilling and exciting, I was longing for a time before New York, before Ethan, before normalcy and routine. I was longing for a time when the whole world seemed to be in front of me, when my eyes were filled with stars, when everything was unpredictable and unplanned. Although I had been conflicted when my father had first offered me the job at his company, deep down I had known that I would take it. I had always known that I would end up back in Tree Hill North Carolina, even though I had only recently admitted that to myself. Brooke had been right that last day at the lake - eventually my destiny would catch up to me, and now it seemed like it had.

I suddenly missed her then as I sat in Peyton's backyard, watching the sky fade from orange to purple. It had been months since I had last seen her; she had moved to California to go to medical school, and even though we talked often, it wasn't quite the same as having her next to me, helping me through my latest dilemma. But even though she seemed to be a world away from me, I knew that no matter what, we'd always be there for each other.

The sky was now a stunning combination of purple, pink and grey, and I smiled to myself as a light breeze tickled my cheeks. I had missed nights like these while I was in New York.

"Hayley!" Peyton's voice floated into the night, dragging me away from my thoughts. I turned towards the back door and saw her standing there, her hair shining in the darkness.

"Hey," I said, standing up from my spot on the grass.

"Ready to move into your new flat?" she asked me with a grin as I followed her into the house.

"Actually, I'm really excited," I replied, half-smiling.

"I'm surprised," she said, glancing at me quickly. "I always thought you'd be a bit reluctant to come back here."

"I was," I said as we entered the sitting room, my eyes catching sight of Rachel standing by the door. "But this job is a good opportunity and I couldn't pass it up."

I looked at Peyton and I knew that she wanted to say more, but she held her tongue as she so often did while in my presence. I was thankful for it at that moment; I knew that she wanted to talk about Nathan and I was in no hurry to start that conversation.

"Ready?" Rachel asked, and I nodded. I said my goodbyes to Aunt Karen, promising to return later in the week for dinner. I opened the front door and stepped back out into the night, feeling as though my life was just about to begin.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Forgotten Chapter.. Sorry about that..**

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Hayley's P.O.V**

My eyes opened slowly against the onslaught of blinding morning sunlight filtering in through my open window. I groaned inwardly, wishing that I had had the sense to close the shades the night before. I grunted as I pushed myself up against the headboard of the bed, which, incidentally, was the only piece of furniture in my entire flat. Peyton had informed me the previous evening that she would be picking me up at eleven o'clock sharp (_"So don't you dare oversleep, you lazy git!"_ she had added as emphasis) to search for new furniture. I glanced at the time displayed across the glowing screen of my cell phone, my stomach twisting as the numbers 10:43 flashed brightly at me.

"Damn it," I muttered, throwing my blankets off of my legs and stepping onto the cool hardwood floor beneath me. I rushed across the room to my bulging suitcase, pulling out a pair of jeans and a slightly wrinkled NYU T-shirt. I threw my hair into a very messy ponytail, glancing at myself momentarily in the bathroom mirror. I shrugged my shoulders and began brushing my teeth; appearances still didn't matter very much to me. Besides, I had more important things on my mind, like the prospect of my imminent demise if I wasn't ready by the time Peyton arrived at the flat.

Ten minutes later the buzzer rang, and I raced to answer it. "It's Peyton!" I heard over the intercom, and I pressed the button to let her inside. Within seconds she was inside of the flat, her eyes falling upon me instantly in an accusatory glare.

"What?" I asked innocently, playing with a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail.

"You just woke up, didn't you?" she said, folding her arms across her chest.

"I've been up, thank you very much," I replied, still twisting my hair in my fingers.

"For what? Ten minutes?" I could see a smile beginning to play in the corners of her mouth.

"Fifteen, as a matter of fact," I said proudly, grinning widely.

"You're hopeless," she said, shaking her head slightly. "Anyway, we should go. We've got our work cut out for us today, I think."

I groaned, following her out into the hallway. I locked the door behind me and made it to the elevator before I realized that I'd left my purse inside of the flat. "Damn it," I said in frustration as the elevator doors opened, Peyton giving me a quizzical look. "I forgot my purse in the flat. Go on downstairs and I'll meet you there in a minute." She nodded and stepped into the elevator as I traveled back down the hallway, sighing heavily as I began to unlock the door.

"Hello," a voice said cheerfully, and I turned around to face a pretty girl with striking blue eyes and auburn hair.

"Hi," I replied a bit uncertainly, wondering who on earth this woman was.

"I'm Natalie McCormack," she said brightly, extending her hand. I shook it. "I live just down the hall. I noticed that you've just moved in."

"Yeah," I said, now feeling a bit more comfortable. "I'm Hayley James. I just moved here from New York."

"Oh, how exciting," she said, still smiling. "Tree Hill is such a lovely place to live. I hope you enjoy it here."

"I'm sure I will." I smiled as I opened the door, turning once again to face her. "Nice meeting you."

"Pleasure," she replied as she walked towards the elevator, her hair swinging behind her. I stared after her for a moment, feeling somewhat grateful that I had such a friendly neighbor. I smiled slightly to myself as I walked back into the flat, quickly grabbing my purse and heading downstairs to meet Peyton.

* * *

"Peyton, that is the ugliest couch I've ever seen," I said with disgust evident in my voice. "You can't be serious."

"What are you going on about? This couch is perfect," she said defensively, sitting on the peach colored couch and smiling. "It's comfortable, too."

"I don't care. It's hideous. Besides, it reminds me of that horrible bridesmaid's dress I had to wear to my father's wedding." I sighed and turned away from her, my eyes immediately falling upon a light green couch in the center of the large showroom.

"Now that," I said, pointing at the couch, "is wonderful."

"Pea green?" she said, pulling a face. "It reminds me of The Exorcist."

"The Exorcist?" I questioned, staring at her as if she was insane.

"When the girl projectile vomits pea soup over everyone," she clarified, scrunching up her nose in disgust. "That's what it looks like."

"Thanks for the visual," I said, rolling my eyes. "And for your information, it doesn't look like projectile vomit. It's a completely non-pea soupy shade of green."

"Whatever you say, Hayley." She shook her head while simultaneously rolling her eyes. "I don't know how you're going to make a green couch work in a decorating scheme, though."

"I don't do decorating schemes," I said with a smirk. "I just throw random things together and it ends up looking artsy and creative."

I decided to buy the couch, adding it to my already extensive list of purchases. So far I'd managed to buy a new refrigerator, a bedroom set, various items for my bathroom, a kitchen set, a new TV and several other items for my living room. I realized that my bank account was almost nonexistent as Peyton and I headed to a nearby restaurant for lunch, my stomach rumbling from hunger. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, knowing that I'd be getting paid soon enough.

On the way to the restaurant we passed a newsstand, filled with glossy covered magazines and black and white newspapers; my eyes glanced in its direction momentarily, and I was forced to do a double-take at the pictures that stared back at me.

It seemed as though a million smiling photographs of Nathan were staring me straight in the eye, flooding my mind with memories that hadn't resurfaced in years. I stopped walking and continued staring at the magazines, my stomach twisting itself into unpleasant knots. A part of me had known that Tree Hill would bring many reminders of Nathan, but an ever-bigger part of me had not been the least bit prepared for them.

"Hayley?" Peyton said suddenly, her honey eyes swimming with concern. "Are you all right?"

I pulled my eyes away from the magazine stand and looked at her, nodding my head and smiling very unconvincingly. "Yeah, I just kind of zoned out there for a minute."

Her gaze shifted from my face to the newsstand, realization dawning on her as she saw the magazines with Nathan's face plastered on the cover. She frowned slightly, turning her attention back towards me. "Surprising, I know."

"What?" I said, images of Nathan still zooming across my mind.

"It's surprising to just see his face like that out of nowhere," she said. "But you've got to know that it's bound to happen. He lives here, he's loved, and the tabloids ardor him."

"I know that," I said a bit more sharply than I had intended. "And I'm fine with it. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'm not in love with him anymore. We broke up _four years_ ago. I'm quite over it."

"Funny," she said, raising her eyebrows, "I didn't mention anything about you still being in love with him." She turned away from the newsstand and continued walking down the crowded street, leaving me standing behind her, my face burning and my mind reeling.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Hi, I kind of forgot to post the chapter before this one.. **

**It should explain the reason of Natalie McCormack and the goings on with Hayley's flat..**

**Please go back and read it, it should help..**

**Thanks..**

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Hayley's P.O.V

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**

Rain pounded down on the streets of Tree Hill on an unusually chilly September morning, my feet slapping loudly against the asphalt below me. People were walking quickly all around me, umbrellas protecting them from the unfriendly onslaught of rain, their movements quick and hurried as they made their way to the buildings that towered over the streets. A low rumble of thunder echoed in the distance, the sound seemingly increasing the speed of the early morning commuters considerably, some of them shooting annoyed glares at the dark, threatening clouds above them.

I silently cursed myself for not remembering to grab a jacket or sweater as I left my flat earlier that morning. Admittedly, I had been in such a rush to make myself look somewhat presentable for my first day of work in the mere thirty minutes I had allowed myself that the thought of rain hadn't even crossed my mind. I sent a death glare down at my feet, which were strapped uncomfortably in a pair of heels that were rapidly beginning to fill with water. The blouse I had spent so much time picking out the previous night was now soaked through, revealing the bra I wore underneath, and my skirt (a piece of clothing I usually avoided like the plague) was sticking to my skin, making walking a rather awkward experience.

I could feel my hair matted against my forehead, bits of it clumped in front of my eyes. I brushed it back in annoyance, huffing loudly under my breath. According to the directions my father had given me, his building was another five blocks away, and I knew that by the time I finally arrived I'd look no better than a drowned rat. Apparently, it did not seem as though it was going to be a good day. It didn't seem like it could get much worse, but as was customary in such situations, I severely underestimated exactly how much could (and most likely would) go wrong.

I suddenly felt myself lose my balance as I stepped up onto a curb, but I managed to steady myself before I made a complete ass of myself in front of the same people that were walking quickly past me. I looked down and found the culprit behind my near-fall: the heel on my left shoe had broken cleanly in half, although I could not seem to find the piece that had broken off.

"Well, isn't that just the icing on the cake," I said to myself, sighing heavily. "Son of a -"

"Hayley?" a faintly recognizable voice said from behind me.

I turned around, finding myself staring into a pair of shining blue eyes. Natalie McCormack, my neighbor, stood before me underneath an umbrella, looking entirely dry.

"Oh, hello Natalie," I said, brushing away more hair that had fallen into my face. "Er...how are you?"

"I think I should be asking you that question," she said with a faint smile. "Looks as though you're having a rather bad morning."

"That would be a slight understatement," I replied, scoffing. "It's been more like disastrous."

"Here," she said, grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me underneath her umbrella. "Where are you headed?"

"Thanks," I said, pointing up at the umbrella. "I'm actually on my way to my first day of work. I can imagine the kind of impression I'm going to make looking like this."

"I wouldn't worry too much, I think it'll be perfectly understandable considering the weather. Where are you working, by the way?" she asked as we continued to walk (or in my case, limp) down the street, huddled underneath the umbrella.

I hesitated. Although I was grateful for the job I had been offered, I was a bit reluctant to admit who I was working for to other people. I was usually unaffected by others' opinions of me, but I honestly didn't want people to believe that I'd only gotten the job because the owner of the Law firm was my father. Still, as I turned to look at Natalie, I decided to tell her; if she got the wrong idea, that was her problem, not mine.

"James's Law firm," I said quickly, averting my gaze.

"Wait...isn't your last name -?"

"Yes," I said, nodding. "My father owns the firm."

"So...Jim James, the prestigious Lawyer, is your father?" she asked, open-mouthed.

"It would seem so, yes," I said a bit irritably.

"Oh...well, that's exciting!" she said brightly, and she grinned widely at me. "I actually met him once at a -"

She stopped short, however, as we reached the building. Much to my surprise, the exterior of the building was extremely simplistic and was even a bit classy, very unlike my father himself. The last time I had been inside of the house he shared with his horrible wife Olivia, it had been painted in loud, crude colors and decorated with ultra-modern furniture that didn't seem to fit the man I had once known so well. But even though the outside of the building appeared normal, I reminded myself that I had yet to see the inside and I was almost sure it would be oddly reminiscent of his flat.

"Well," I said as I turned to look at Natalie, "this is my stop. Thanks again for the shield." I smiled as I pointed to the umbrella.

"Oh, it was nothing. I'm just glad you got here in one piece. Well, mostly," she said as she looked at my broken shoe.

I laughed lightly, shaking my head. "Why don't you stop by later for some tea or something? I think it's the least I can do after you saved me from nearly drowning in this mess."

She smiled. "That sounds great. See you later, then."

"Yeah. Thanks again!" I called as she walked away, the rain still slapping hard against her umbrella.

I looked up at the building and felt apprehension growing steadily within me, but instead of turning away and going back to my flat, I pressed my hand against the gold-plated door and pushed, feeling my feet carrying me into the lobby. My eyes immediately began to wander over the room, taking in the high ceiling, the oak desks, and the marble floors. Everything seemed incredibly professional and sophisticated, and I almost couldn't believe that this was my father's building.

As people walked in and out of the building, I felt their eyes stray over to me; I knew I looked completely out of place with my broken shoe, soaked-through clothes and wet, matted hair. Instead of looking away in embarrassment, I stared back fiercely, watching with satisfaction as the dirty looks slid quickly off of their faces. I smiled slightly to myself as I shakily made my way to the elevators, watching as the silver doors opened a few moments later.

The elevator emptied quickly, expelling a number of tired, sour-faced people into the lobby. They brushed past me without acknowledging my presence; I shrugged and stepped into the elevator, hastily pressing the number 12 button which instantly glowed a dim orange. Several people stepped inside of the elevator before the doors lazily closed, all of them punching different numbers that would take them to their destinations.

As we neared the eighth floor, a strange feeling began to make its way into my stomach; it felt as though a million butterflies were swarming around inside of it, though their wings weren't flapping in nervous anticipation - on the contrary, they were beating their wings violently, making their way quickly from my stomach to my chest to my throat. I inhaled sharply, watching as the elevator stopped and opened on the tenth floor, suit-clad men entering and skirt-wearing women exiting. I suddenly felt like the elevator was entirely too small for so many people to be standing, practically squashed together, inside of it; I felt the heat in my cheeks begin to rise, and I knew without looking that they were turning a bright shade of pink. I had never been claustrophobic or so anxious in my entire life, but in the back of my mind I knew why I was feeling so nervous - I hadn't seen (or even spoken properly to) my father in four years, and there were still so many unresolved issues that lingered in our relationship. I knew that the second I laid eyes on him, all of those bad feelings would resurface and I'd find myself wishing that I was anywhere but in his presence with his bright brown eyes penetrating my own.

My arrival on the twelfth floor was announced by a small _ding_ as the doors slid smoothly open, revealing a long hallway with shining hardwood floors and several pieces of rather bad artwork hung on the walls. I stepped out of the elevator hesitantly, placing a hand to my hair in a desperate attempt to tame it even though I knew it was a losing battle. As I walked towards a large white desk in the middle of a spacious waiting area, I managed to settle my nerves considerably; I slowly felt myself become more comfortable in my surroundings, despite the fact that I had never been in a building quite like the one I was in before.

A small woman with short blonde hair sat behind the desk, her white blouse blending into the desk in front of her. She sat typing words into a computer, her red polished nails clicking furiously against the keyboard. I stepped forward quickly, clearing my throat slightly to catch her attention. She looked up from the computer screen with a bright smile on her face, though it quickly faded as she took in my appearance. Her eyebrows raised, "Can I help you?"

I smiled slightly, nodding. "Yes. I'm here to see Jim James."

"I'll need to take your name, please." Her eyes were still fixed upon my wild hair and see-through blouse, not bothering to hide her surprise.

I narrowed my eyes slightly, not at all appreciating the look on her face or the tone of her voice. "My name is Hayley James and I'm here to see my father. If you would kindly direct your attention back to your computer screen and away from inspecting me, I think you'll find that I'm a new employee here."

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, but she didn't utter another word in my direction; instead, she picked up the phone on her desk, punched in a number and said into the receiver, "Mr. James, your daughter is here to see you." She nodded towards a door several feet behind her, indicating for me to step inside. I brushed past her without a second glance and made my way towards my father's office, my heartbeat rapidly increasing with each step I took.

I lifted my hand to knock on the wooden door before me, and soon the words, "Come in," spoken by a very familiar voice floated into my ears. I suddenly felt as though my legs were made of jelly, unwilling to let me walk inside of the office where my father undoubtedly sat. I wondered if his hair was still that horrible shade of bleach blonde or whether it was brown and streaked with strands of grey. I wondered if his eyes still crinkled in the corners when he smiled and if they did, I wondered if they would when he saw me.

Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned it slightly, taking a deep breath as the door swung open, revealing my father's ridiculously large office. My eyes traveled along the room curiously, seeing several photos of the family hanging on the walls, along with pictures of him and various people I didn't recognize. The large window in the back of the room had a impressive view of Tree Hill, and I was almost sure that if I looked hard enough, I'd be able to see my apartment building from where I stood. Finally, when I could not look at his framed photos any longer, my eyes fell upon him. He was seated behind a wide desk that was littered with papers and more framed photographs, but I wasn't interested in those details; instead I focused on his face, which was alight with happiness as a smile crept onto his lips, his eyes still crinkling in the corners as they fell upon me.

And suddenly, so many things that had gnawed away at my mind night after night as I lay sleepless in bed didn't seem to matter as much as they once had; seeing him then, his eyes sparkling, his smile wide, reminded me of the father I had once known as a little girl. His hair was no longer the bright blonde it had been four years previously; it was now the dark brown I always remembered, and I could see the beginnings of grey starting to form at his temples. He looked the way I always pictured when I thought of him on those sleepless nights, only with a few more wrinkles.

His eyes never once left my face as he stood from his chair, quietly making his way across the room. I knew what was coming, but I didn't try to stop it; instead when he reached out for me, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him like I hadn't done in years. I closed my eyes and breathed in that ever-familiar scent of the cologne that clung to his shirt, bringing with it a million childhood memories that raced across my mind. I realized then just how much I'd missed him despite how much I told myself I didn't - it was amazing, really, how much could change with a simple look, a smile, an embrace.

"Hayley," he said a few moments later as he held me at arm's length, his eyebrows rising slightly as he took in my appearance. "You look beautiful."

I laughed slightly, rolling my eyes. "Not exactly. I got caught in the storm."

"That explains a lot," he said with a small smile. "I just can't believe I'm really looking at you, Hayley. I'm so glad that you're here."

I hesitated for a moment; I knew what he wanted me to say, but I also knew that he didn't dare hope to hear it. But when I said, "So am I," I meant it. And when he smiled, I felt that somehow, everything would eventually be okay between us.

* * *

"Hayley!" 

I turned around just as I inserted my key into the lock of the door to my flat, instantly catching sight of my neighbor Natalie. She was smiling brightly and was carrying two steaming mugs of tea. I smiled in return, pushing open my door slightly.

"Hey Natalie," I said.

"Hi," she replied, offering me a cup of tea. I took it gratefully, nodding my thanks. "I was wondering if you were busy."

"Not really," I said, motioning for her to follow me into the flat. "I just got back from work. I have to work on a few things but they can wait, I don't have to worry about that for a few more days."

"A few things?" she repeated, taking a sip of her tea.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm helping my father on a case, it's not a big one, so he said not to worry to much about it, he has to straighten a few things out before we can get straight into it."

"That's incredible, Hayley must be exciting" she said with a smile.

"Thanks, yeah my first real case, it's kind of exciting isn't it?" I took a long sip of tea, feeling the soothing liquid slowly trickle down my throat.

We sat in silence for a few moments before Natalie spoke again. "You know, I'm really glad you moved in here. Most of the neighbors are a bit older and are too preoccupied with their own lives to bother with anyone else. It's nice having someone around to have tea with."

I grinned. "Yeah, it is."

We chatted about various things for the next several minutes, and I found myself having a good time with Natalie. She was beginning to remind me a little bit of myself.

"Are you busy tomorrow evening?" Natalie asked some time later, our tea long since gone.

I thought for a moment, then shook my head no. "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

"Well...my boyfriend proposed a few weeks ago" (her cheeks tinged pink) "and his parents are throwing us an engagement party tomorrow night. I was wondering if you'd like to come. You can bring someone along, of course." She smiled hopefully.

"Well, congratulations on the engagement," I said cheerfully. "Maybe I'll stop by for a bit."

"Great," she replied as she checked her watch. "I've actually got to go, he's supposed to pick me up in a bit."

I nodded, calling out a goodbye as she left the flat. I sat back on my couch, thinking over Natalie's invitation. I wasn't sure if I should go to a party where I would know absolutely no one but the bride-to-be, who would be on the arm of her fiancé for the entire evening. On the other hand, it would be a great opportunity to meet new people; currently, the only friends I had in Tree Hill were Peyton and Rachel and while I loved them dearly, I knew that I couldn't spend all of my free time with them. So as I walked across the small kitchen and deposited the used mugs into the sink, I decided that I would take my chances and go to the party. After all, what did I have to lose?

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hayley's P.O.V

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**

"So tell me again why you're dressing up?" Peyton asked as she lounged on my wonderful light green couch, sipping a glass of lemonade.

I sat across from her, rolling my eyes in annoyance as I tried to slip into a pair of heels. "My neighbor is having a party and she invited me to go."

"Since when do you make friends with your neighbors?" she asked me incredulously, although as I looked up I noticed the beginnings of a smirk on her face.

"Since I moved to a new town where I know only a handful of people. I'd like to have some friends, believe it or not." I glared at her momentarily as I stood, trying desperately not to wobble too much in my new heels.

"Oh, Hayley, how you've grown," she said with a smile, taking another sip of lemonade. "I'm so proud."

"Shut up," I said, glaring at her once again. "Beats hanging out with you, anyway."

Her eyes filled with mock hurt. "You're killing me. Really."

I grinned slightly as I walked into the small kitchen adjacent to the living room, pouring myself a glass of water. "Well, since I'm too important and busy to hang out with you tonight, what are you going to do?"

There was a significant pause; I looked up from my water and found Peyton nervously gulping down the remainder of her lemonade. I eyed her curiously, her apparent hesitance beginning to become a bit suspicious.

"Oh, well, Rachel and I are going to a party as well," she said at last. "It's something for Matt, her boyfriend."

"Sounds like you'll be having the time of your life tonight," I said, smirking. "Though, I must say, it took you an awfully long time to come up with that answer."

"I didn't 'come up' with anything," she said, seemingly a bit more relaxed.

"Oh, sure," I said, smiling slightly. "You don't have to lie to me, you know. If you're cheating on Jake, just admit it."

She glared at me, though I could see her eyes sparkling beyond the anger. "Wow, Hayley. That was simply amazing."

"I know, I know," I said, laughing. "Please, no applause."

Peyton laughed and rolled her eyes, but beyond the smile she wore as she poured herself another glass of lemonade I could tell that there was something she wasn't telling me, something she was purposely leaving out of the conversation. But I smiled back at her anyway, pushing my doubts aside.

* * *

There were heavy storm clouds hanging overhead as I neared the tall brick building. A crack of thunder resounded through the quiet night; I stepped into the building, watching through the wide glass doors as the thick drops of rain began crashing to the pavement below. I sighed quietly, suddenly wishing that I was still in my flat, able to enjoy the thunderstorm raging outside. 

Reluctantly, I turned away from the doors and headed toward the elevators on the other side of the white marble lobby. I glanced at the directions Natalie had given me as I stepped into an elevator, quickly pressing the 5 button and stuffing the crumpled paper into my purse. I shivered as the cool air from the air conditioning fully hit me, feeling goosebumps beginning to spread across my arms. My stomach was churning and I began to feel oddly nervous as the elevator crept towards the fifth floor; even through the solid steel doors I could hear the sounds of a band playing and it increased my apprehension significantly, the butterflies that were now swarming around in my stomach doing back flips.

It felt as though I were reliving the first elevator ride in my father's office all over again, only now I was the only person inside of it and had no one to blame for making the small space seem even smaller than it was. Now I had nothing on which to blame my anxiousness; all that awaited me on the fifth floor was a party, not an awkward reunion I had both dreaded and dreamed about for too many years to count. My father was not there waiting for me; it was only Natalie and her fiancé and their friends and family. I couldn't figure out the reason why I was so nervous, but as the elevator doors opened to reveal the fifth floor I didn't have much time to think about it any longer; what met my eyes was truly breathtaking.

I had never been a particular fan of weddings or of romance in general and normally I wouldn't have bothered coming to an engagement party, especially for someone I barely knew. I still had not quite determined why I had come in the first place, but as my eyes traveled along the golden room filled with men in tuxes and women in beautiful gowns, I suddenly found myself (for perhaps the first time in my life) not questioning my decision. Everything that surrounded me was drenched in deep gold, from the chandeliers that hung from the ceiling to the cloths draped over the circular tables. And it was, I realized, quite beautiful.

The entire room radiated elegance and sophistication, and I was quite glad that I had decided to wear an actual dress as opposed to my trusted jeans and converse. As I made my way inside, soft piano music floated into my ears as waiters served tall flutes of champagne on golden platters. I couldn't help but think that Natalie was certainly marrying into a family where money was obviously not an object. Although everything was beautiful, I knew that if I ever got married I wouldn't want a simple engagement party to feel more formal than the wedding itself.

"Good evening, miss. Would you like a glass of champagne?"

I turned to face one of the many waiters that were circulating around the room. I smiled and said, "Yes, thank you," as he handed me a flute of the sparkling gold liquid. I took a sip as I began walking through the room, looking for Natalie. As my eyes scanned the crowd of people, they landed on not a head of auburn hair, but a head of blonde hair - and a very familiar one at that.

I approached him quickly, knowing it was him before I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, his blue eyes growing wide in surprise as they focused upon me.

"Hayley?" he said, his voice full of shock.

"I've always said that you were the smart one of the group, Lucas," I said with a smile, pulling him into a hug.

"What...what are you doing here?" he asked me as we broke apart, his eyes darting around the room rapidly.

"I could ask you the same question," I replied. "How do you know Natalie?"

"Natalie?" he repeated, the look of surprise never leaving his face. "No, Hayley...surely you know..."

"Hayley!"

I turned around and came face-to-face with Peyton, her blonde hair tied back in an elegant bun, her bright honey eyes wide as saucers. I stared back at her in equal surprise, my mind spinning.

"Hayley, what the _hell_ are you doing here?" she asked me frantically, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

"Me? What are _you_ doing here?" I said rather loudly, my brown eyes narrowing. "Peyton...what the hell is going on?"

"First I need to know why you're here," she said, exchanging a nervous glance with Lucas. "Honestly, I didn't even think you knew...and if you had known, I would have thought you would have stayed away..."

"If I had known what?" I said, feeling my anxiousness begin to creep up on me once again, my stomach churning unpleasantly.

"Hayley," Peyton began, her voice soft, "this is..." But she was interrupted; a moment later I heard someone call out my name and I turned around, seeing Natalie smiling at me.

"I'm so glad you're here, Hayley," she said as she approached me, a glass of champagne in her hand. "I see that you've met a few of my fiancé's dearest friends."

"Excuse me?" I said, suddenly feeling very strange.

She placed a hand to her head and laughed. "Oh, how positively _stupid_ of me. Of course you'd be familiar with them - you're Jim James's daughter! Speaking of your father, he's here with his lovely wife, Olivia - have you seen him yet?"

"Wh-what's my father doing here?" I asked, looking from Natalie to Peyton to Lucas, feeling incredibly stupid. I felt as if I were standing on the outside of the party looking in, cut off and unimportant.

My question went unanswered. Natalie turned and smiled brightly at a man making his way through the crowd toward her, but all I could see was a head of dark brown hair. That was when I suddenly felt the room growing smaller and smaller by the second as the awful truth hit me; I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but stand there and stare, my heart beating faster and faster, my mind spinning out of control.

"Hayley," Natalie said as the man finally stepped into the light, "this is my fiancé, Nathan."

And then he looked up, his blue eyes holding the same spark that I remembered, and as they fell upon me they grew wider than I had ever seen them before. He looked very much like a deer caught in headlights: powerless, afraid, disbelieving. And I stared back, feeling as though time had stood still and sped up all at once.

I stood there motionless, unable to say a single word. I could feel Peyton's eyes on me, and I knew without looking that they were wide, full of concern, full of a guilt she would feel for months to come.

"Nathan, this is my new neighbor, Hayley James," Natalie said with a bright smile. "Isn't it an odd coincidence that she's Jim's daughter, darling? I actually wouldn't be surprised if you two had already met, considering she's already acquainted with Lucas."

It seemed as though neither of us could bring ourselves to say a word. All we could do was stare at each other, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. I felt my heartbeat increasing by the second and I knew without even feeling it that my cheeks were burning. I was shaking, whether out of surprise or anger or sheer humiliation I did not know; all I knew was that I had to get away from that party, that building, those people that were surrounding me, but most importantly I had to get away from those blue eyes that were penetrating my own before they saw something I didn't want them to see.

"Darling? Are you all right?" Natalie asked Nathan after several moments of stunned silence had passed.

He blinked fiercely and a small smile began to form on his lips. "Uh, yes, I'm fine," he replied, although his voice was shaky. "Sorry, love."

I felt a pain in my chest as those words left his lips; for a single, vulnerable second, I wished that I was the one standing next to him in a gold gown, a shiny diamond sparkling on my finger. But as quickly as the feeling had come, it went, and it was swiftly replaced with hot, searing anger.

"It's so nice to see you again as well, Nathan," I said to him, enraged that he hadn't acknowledged me in front of Natalie. "It's been a few years, but I was rather expecting a 'hello' when you saw me."

"Oh, so you two _have_ met?" Natalie said cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to the anger laced in my voice. "How lovely!"

"To be blunt, Natalie, I don't think you'll find the circumstances of how we know each other to be lovely at all," I snapped, fuming. I glared at Nathan, daring him to speak; when he remained silent, I grabbed the opportunity to tell Natalie the truth. "Nathan and I used to be together."

All of the color seemed to drain from Natalie's rosy face; her large blue eyes swept between Nathan and I rapidly, and I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to believe that it was all a joke. She, however, quickly regained her composure and her smile reappeared on her face as her eyes landed upon me.

"Oh, so you're the girl that Nathan dated a few years ago," she said, and although she was smiling brightly there was a sharpness in her voice. "What a strange coincidence." I could tell that there was more meaning in those words than she was letting on, and I didn't like what it implied. Still, I held my tongue and decided to leave with at least some of my dignity still intact.

I smiled, trying my best to control my anger and the million other feelings that were raging inside of me. "Well, congratulations to both of you. I hope you're very happy together. If you'll excuse me, I have to be going." And without a backward glance, I ran from the party and from those blue eyes that had never quite left mine, bursting into tears, hating myself for shedding tears as soon as the elevator doors slid closed.

* * *

**Sorry everyone, it was bound to happen.**

**Don't worry Hayley still might have a chance. **

**Please review and tell me what you think..

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**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hayley's P.O.V

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**_**"And in entertainment news this evening, Basketball star Nathan Scott has announced his engagement to a Natalie McCormack..." **_

"Scott and McCormack have been dating for over a year; the Star's rep says that 'the two are very happy indeed'..."

"Scott's highly publicized romance with Lawyer Jim James's daughter abruptly ended four years ago..."

"Sources claim that James was in attendance at the engagement party last evening..." 

I shut the TV off and threw the remote across the room, watching as the batteries rolled across the floor. I was sitting on my light green couch, a pint of ice cream in my hands, trying to find a decent program to watch on television. But it seemed as though every station in Tree Hill had nothing better to do than to report Nathan Scott's engagement to anyone who would listen. I sighed and slumped back into the cushions, closing my eyes and imagining myself thousands of miles away from Tree Hill.

The place my mind's eye finally landed on was an old beach house situated on the edge of a sparkling lake. I had not been there in years. It held, I realized far too many painful and bittersweet memories that made it nearly impossible for me to return to it. It was the house that Nathan had so generously given back to me four years previously, but as I left it that last night I knew in my mind that I'd never go back to it.

I had a very peculiar feeling traveling within me as I sat on my couch, slumped back in its light green cushions. It was not an uncommon feeling by any means, yet it seemed strange and extremely foreign to me. I felt, in the simplest terms possible, jealous. So incredibly envious that I felt that at any moment I would turn almost the exact color of my couch. I felt as I had the first time I saw Nathan with Kate, the two of them displayed brightly across the television screen, their hands entwined and smiles on their faces. It had felt like someone had punched me right in the stomach, all traces of oxygen gone from my lungs, my mind reeling and spinning. I realized that the second time around felt the same, if not worse.

A part of me wanted to believe that the only reason I felt the way I did was because Nathan was no longer available. He was spoken for, taken, off the market, and before, even though we hadn't been together, there had always been a possibility that we could be together again _someday._ As if somewhere in the back of my mind I had subconsciously hoped, _believed_ that we would end up together in the end. And maybe I had felt that way, maybe I still did, but I knew that wasn't all there was to it.

My thoughts strayed to Peyton as my eyes landed on a picture of the two of us that had been taken at the lake we frequented four summers previously. She had become my best friend since that first summer, one of the only people in the world I truly trusted. When I had seen her at the engagement party the previous evening, I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing; the moment her eyes fell upon me I knew that something bigger than I had ever imagined was happening. I knew that something was about to happen that would change me forever. And after I found out about Nathan and Natalie, after I found out that she had known all along, I knew that things would never quite be the same between us again.

She was protecting me, and I had known that as soon as I saw the shocked look on her face. Still, it didn't ease the feeling of absolute betrayal that was steadily rising within me. And I honestly didn't know what would.

* * *

Peyton Sawyer paused on the sidewalk as she neared the tall brick building in which her cousin undoubtedly sat, most likely with a pint of Ben and Jerry's firmly in her hand. She sighed quietly as Hayley's face drifted across her mind; she had known, undoubtedly, that she would find out about Nathan's engagement, but she had never expected it to happen so suddenly or so catastrophically.

The sky had turned from a lovely periwinkle blue to a dark, dull grey; the wind was harsh and biting against her exposed skin. As she turned her head upward, a raindrop splashed against her nose, making its way slowly down her face until it finally died on her chin. Pulling her sweater closer around her shivering body, she continued walking down the crowded sidewalk, her head bent down against the cold, hard rain.

Her feet carried her to the glass doors and she stepped into the lobby with apprehension rising steadily within her. She had not said a word to Hayley before she had fled from the party the previous evening, nor had she had any contact with her since; the calls she had placed that morning had gone unanswered. She could only imagine the welcome she received when - or, more accurately, _if_ - Hayley opened the door. The scenario that began to develop in her mind was not pretty; it involved Hayley's fist, her face, and the hallway floor.

Admittedly, she had known for quite some time that Nathan was planning on popping the question to his current girlfriend, a girl Peyton herself had never met. She had heard stories through Rachel, stories that made this mystery girl sound almost too good to be true. Stories that made Peyton think of Hayley, because the more Rachel talked about Natalie, the more Peyton was reminded of her cousin. And the more she thought of Hayley, the more certain she became of the reason behind Nathan's engagement. She sighed, shaking her head slightly as she neared the elevators; there was no use dwelling on the past anymore. She needed to focus on the here and now, on the cousin whose world had just been turned upside down.

With trepidation rising steadily within her, Peyton stepped into the elevator and began the ascent to Hayley's flat; she smoothed her hair back and began chewing on her lip, a nervous habit she had had as long as she could remember. As the doors slid smoothly open to reveal the dimly lit hallway, the familiar taste of blood, metallic and sharp, filled her mouth; cringing, she stepped into the hallway and made her way to Hayley's door.

She knocked three times on the hard wooden door in rapid succession. There was, as she had expected, no answer. She sighed heavily, bringing her fist up once again, but before her knuckles connected with the wood the door swung open, revealing a scowling, clearly disheveled Hayley behind it.

"I was wondering when you were finally going to show your face," Hayley spat at her cousin, her voice thick and coarse.

Peyton did not open her mouth to speak; she knew that whatever feeble apology she could utter would not be good enough. Instead, she walked past her cousin into the flat, eyeing the living room as she did so; the television remote lay smashed on the ground next to a half-eaten pint of ice cream, and several articles of clothing littered the space around it. The dreadful light green couch she had begged Hayley not to buy sat proudly in the center of the room, a blanket strewn haphazardly across its plush cushions.

"So," Hayley said suddenly, brushing past her harshly and plopping herself onto the couch. "What can I do for you, Peyton?"

Peyton stood frozen to the spot; despite the hostile welcome, the untidy flat and the look in her eyes, Hayley's tone of voice was remarkably calm, even pleasant.

"I...I just wanted to come by and see how you were doing," she replied, once again chewing on her lip. "I wanted to see if everything was all right."

Strangely, Hayley smiled. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just thought...you know, what happened...erm, last night..."

Hayley held up her hand, shaking her head slightly. "Peyton, what have I been telling you for the past four years?"

Peyton remained silent; she knew Hayley was not looking for an answer.

"Yes, I was shocked last night when I found out that Nathan was Natalie's fiancé. It would've taken _anyone_ in that situation by surprise. But just because I was taken a bit off-guard last night doesn't mean anything. I'm fine, Nathan's fine, Natalie's fine. Everyone is _just fine_." Hayley smiled again, a crooked, unfamiliar smile.

"But..." Peyton began to protest, but she was interrupted, once again, by Hayley's calm, even voice.

"You should've told me, I'll admit that. You should've mentioned something. But I know why you didn't, okay? I know you were only trying to spare my feelings. Truth is, though, there weren't - and aren't, let me remind you - any feelings to spare. Nathan and I were over a long time ago. I'm happy that he's found someone to make him happy," Hayley said, her voice never once slipping, never once letting the smallest bit of emotion show through.

Peyton, however, knew that beneath the smile, beneath the lies she had been rehearsing, there was hurt and anger running deep within her veins. She knew that beneath the cool, composed exterior she was displaying to the world there was a fire raging inside of her, hot and burning. And she also knew that Hayley would never admit it, not even to her.

"Hayley, I'm so sorry for not telling you," Peyton said at last, feeling completely helpless. "You were right, I was trying to spare your feelings...but not nonexistent ones. I _know_, whether or not you want to admit it, that this is bothering you."

"I'm fine," Hayley replied, her voice a bit sharper than it had been before. "I promise."

Peyton looked at her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes, the sad, haunted look that her eyes held, and knew that she wasn't fine.

"You don't always have to be so strong, Hayley," Peyton said gently, watching as Hayley's face softened. She watched as, slowly, Hayley lifted her eyes to meet hers, red and filled with tears.

"It's all right, Hayley," Peyton said as she rushed to hug her cousin, her sobs echoing throughout the room. "Everything is going to be all right."

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry everyone for the long wait on this chapter.. I have just came home from two weeks with relatives (a nightmare I'll tell you) over Christmas.. I have also been getting ready for year 12 this year..**

**Not to mention not being able to find inspiration for this chapter..

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**

**I'm also sorry to say that this is the last chapter I'm going to write (but not the end of the story) I am willing to leave it for you people to continue on.. Please send me the chapter you would like me to put on and I'll see what I can do..**

**Oh and **

**THANK YOU - FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS

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****Hayley's P.O.V**

There was absolutely no way of escaping the news of Nathan's engagement as I walked to work each morning. The streets were lined with vendors selling papers with his face plastered on the covers, normally accompanied by the bright, smiling face of his brand new fiancé. The jewelry shop on the corner had a sign stretched across its window that proudly boasted that they carried a ring similar in design to the ring Nathan Scott had picked out for his bride-to-be. I heard rushed, excited conversations of giggling girls as they passed me on the street, often speculating where the location of the upcoming wedding might be. And once I stepped into my building each morning, I was bombarded with the latest gossip; sometimes the bolder women in the office would ask me how I felt about the whole thing, considering that I was his "first _real_ love, after all."

It had been nearly three weeks since the engagement party; normally, the press would have moved on to a different story, something more current, but "Nathan Scott's" engagement was all Tree Hill could talk about.

* * *

"Miss James, there's a call for you on line two," said the receptionist over the intercom, her voice sounding a bit shaky.

I sighed, briefly turning my attention away from my computer screen. "Janice, could you please tell whoever it is that I'll get back with them later? I'm in the middle of something." _Lie,_ I thought to myself with a sigh.

"Well - I would, Miss James, but - they've said it's urgent." She paused; I sighed once more, wanting nothing more than to throw the telephone out of the window.

"All right, put them through," I said a bit sharply. No sooner had the words left my lips when the phone rang, dull and quiet, vaguely reminding me of the waiting room in a doctor's office.

"This is Hayley James," I said into the receiver, my eyes drifting back to the computer screen. The case my father had given me was displayed across it.

"Hello," said a slightly muffled voice. I narrowed my eyes in confusion.

"Hello? How can I help you?" I said a bit louder; it sounded as though the person on the other end was in a bad reception area.

"Hayley?" the voice said, and suddenly it felt as though I had fallen into a pool of ice-cold water; I knew that voice all too well. "Hayley? It's me... it's Nathan."

I felt momentarily paralyzed; my voice seemed to have abandoned me. We sat in what felt like an eternity of silence when I finally said, "Oh...hi."

"Hi," he replied, "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I said automatically; it was a question I'd been asked repeatedly over the last three weeks. "Er...how are you?"

"I'm good, thanks." He paused. "Listen, I just wanted to ring you so I could apologize for my behavior at the party. I didn't mean to be so rude, it was just such a shock seeing you after so long, especially there..."

"No need to apologize," I said briskly; my stomach was doing flip-flops, but my voice remained calm, even cold. "I understand."

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Hayley." Something in his tone made me think that he was apologizing for much more than the party.

"I know," I said, my voice warming slightly. "I, uh...well, congratulations on the engagement. I never did get a chance to tell you."

"Thanks," he said, "Congratulations on your new job."

My face flushed, "Thank you."

"So you're living in London now? Permanently?" he asked, almost out of nowhere.

"Yeah. Well, for awhile, anyway." There was a significant pause, seemingly indicating the end of the conversation. It had been too long, _far_ too long, I knew, for the conversation to continue any longer; so much had happened over such a long period of time that it seemed impossible to catch up and go back all at once.

We said our good-byes, and I heard the _click_ of his phone as he ended the call, but I waited to hang up until I heard nothing but a dark, dead silence.

* * *

_"Rachel Gatina calling. Accept or ignore?"_

I groaned as I looked at the glowing screen of my cell phone, Rachel's name printed glaringly across it. This was the second time she'd called in less than ten minutes; Peyton had tried to get through for a half-hour unsuccessfully. It wasn't that I was avoiding them - I just simply did not want to be bothered at the moment; I was currently inhaling another bowl of ice cream as I sat watching television. Reluctantly I chose "Accept" and said, "Hello?" somewhat grudgingly.

"It's about bloody time!" Rachel shouted loudly in my ear. "We've been trying to get through for ages!"

"I didn't hear the phone go off," I lied. "Sorry."

She paused. "Is this Hayley James I'm speaking to?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Normally if I get snippy with you, you don't hesitate to give me a good telling-off," she replied, and I could tell she was smiling. "You didn't sound like yourself."

"I'm engrossed in soap operas - what can I say?" I laughed for what felt like the first time in days.

"Don't tell me soap operas have claimed another victim," she said with a groan.

"Oh, it has," I said, still chuckling. "But I'm sure you called for a reason other than to make fun of me for watching soap operas."

"Yes," she said; I could hear Peyton talking in the background. "We were wondering if you'd like to come to dinner with us tonight. I've reserved a private room at that new restaurant that just opened in town."

"Sure," I replied without really thinking about it; I felt as though I had been trapped in my flat for an eternity. I had mostly kept to myself since the engagement party; I didn't want to run the risk of running into Natalie in the hallways.

"Great!" Rachel said happily. "I'll have the car round at seven."

"Okay," I said, and we quickly hung up; I glanced at the clock, realizing with horror that it was nearly six already. My hair was, as usual, a mess and my face was a disaster. I hurriedly set to work.

* * *

The restaurant was a small building, but it was decorated beautifully in deep, warm shades of brown and gold. There were small, dim lights along the walls, but as we entered the private room Rachel had reserved, most of the light came from dozens of candles placed decoratively throughout the room. It was quite beautiful.

The table was large and circular, draped with a cloth of deepest gold. Much to my surprise, there were not three place settings upon the table, but six; I turned to question Rachel, but as I did so my question was answered for me. Standing in the doorway were Lucas, Jake, and (my stomach felt as though it had fallen directly to the floor) Nathan. I felt my face flush as Nathan's eyes landed upon me; for a moment, it felt like we were the same people we had been four years ago, but as soon as his eyes left mine I was sent crashing back into the present. My eyes darted toward Peyton, fury in my gaze, but she merely shrugged her shoulders and smiled at Jake, who had just given her a kiss. Rachel, too, refused to meet my eyes.

I wanted nothing more than to run from the restaurant, go back to my flat and hibernate under my blankets for the next hundred years, but instead I smiled and began saying hello to the new arrivals.

"Hayley," Jake said, kissing my cheek as we hugged. "It's been too long. You look wonderful."

"Thank you," I said, grinning. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Am I going to have to keep an eye on you two?" Peyton said jokingly from beside him, her hand lightly entwined with his.

I went about saying hello to Lucas, catching up with him a bit; I inclined my head toward Nathan and smiled, and he returned the gesture.

"Hi," he said from a few feet away, still smiling.

"Hi," I replied, my smile lingering on my lips. "I didn't know--"

But I was unable to continue as another presence entered the room. My stomach churned unpleasantly; it was Natalie, dressed in a flowy lilac dress, her auburn hair pulled away from her face. She smiled at everyone in the room as she joined Nathan, catching his hand in hers lightly.

"Sorry I'm late," she said to him. "Traffic was murder."

I could not help but stare at them; they looked, from a distance, how we might have looked if nothing had changed between us. Beside me, Lucas shifted uncomfortably, flashing me a very sympathetic smile; I ignored it.

"Oh, hello Natalie," said Rachel brightly, although I could tell from the look splashed across her face that she had not expected her to be there. "So lovely to see you!"

"I hope I'm not being too much of an imposition," Natalie said as we took our seats. "I was supposed to have dinner with my parents this evening, but our plans changed at the _very_ last minute."

"We're happy to have you here," said Rachel, giving me an apologetic look as she did so. "I'll have the waiter bring another place setting."

"Hayley, I'm so glad you're here," Natalie said to me after we'd all ordered drinks. "I haven't seen you in the building lately."

_You unbelievable bitch,_ I thought angrily to myself. _Of course you haven't seen me in the building lately. Excuse the hell out of me if I don't want to be best friends with the woman who's marrying my ex-boyfriend._

But instead of vocalizing my thoughts, I said, "Yeah. I've been busy with work."

"Perhaps now isn't the time or place, but...I really want you to know that I had _no_ idea that you and Nathan dated. If I had, I wouldn't have put you in such an uncomfortable position," she said to me, her blue eyes staring intently into mine. "I feel so horrible."

I felt as though a fire was raging fiercely inside of my chest, hot and sharp; I wanted to yell at her, _scream_ at her, grab her hand and yank it out of Nathan's tight, protective grasp...

"Of course you didn't realize," I said calmly, a complete contrast to the fire burning in my veins. "How could you have known?"

The tension around the table was palpable; everyone looked uncomfortable and uneasy. Peyton and Rachel were watching me worriedly; I knew that they were almost as surprised as I was about the way I was handling the situation.

Natalie gave me a small smile. "I _truly_ hope that we can be friends, Hayley. What happened with you and Nathan was a long time ago...I know that you both have _completely_ moved on since then." She emphasized her point by looking at Nathan and squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"Of course," I said, smiling back. "I'm sure you and I are going to be _great_ friends." Lucas coughed and Nathan flashed me an odd look; it seemed as though everyone had caught the sarcastic undertone in my statement but Natalie.

She smiled, but there was something different in it this time. "Well, now that _that's_ settled...everyone, Nathan and I have set the date!"

Nathan grinned uncomfortably and his cheeks tinged pink; I knew that this was something he had probably wanted to tell his friends personally. Natalie didn't seem too quick to pick up on this, however; she continued on without a glance in his direction.

"We've decided to get married on the 17th of June," she said excitedly, finally looking in Nathan's direction as she beamed widely. He smiled, his eyes twinkling as he looked at her; a hot wave of jealousy washed over me.

"That's only eight months away," Peyton said incredulously. "Don't most people wait at least a year?"

"Well, _some_ people do, I suppose," Natalie replied, her smile faltering slightly. "Nathan and I think eight months is too much time to wait, but it's necessary in order to plan the wedding we want to have."

Peyton glanced in my direction, but I merely shrugged my shoulders. "Well, then," she said, attempting to smile, "congratulations."

A murmur of congratulations rippled along the table, Lucas and Jake clapping Nathan on the back, Peyton and Rachel hugging him. I simply smiled, unable to do much else; I couldn't bring myself to stand up and congratulate him, not when my chest felt like it was going to explode.

As we began to sip our drinks (I had ordered a _very_ large rum and coke) I found myself studying Natalie and Nathan, comparing them to _us_ and what we had once been. It was fascinating, really, to see how drastically different yet completely the same it was. Nathan and I had never been much for public displays of affection, and neither were they; a simple gesture like holding hands was enough for them. It had been enough for us, too. And when you got past the fact that Natalie was excited for her upcoming nuptials, she really wasn't all that different from me. She was strong, determined, and unwilling to accept less than what she deserved - even I could admit that. And I knew simply from looking in her eyes that she was totally and completely in love with Nathan, and she wasn't with him for the money or the notoriety - she was with him because without him, she wasn't whole.

She was a good woman for him, exactly the kind he needed in his life. If Nathan and I had never been together, I knew that I would have liked Natalie. If we had never been together, I would have wanted _them_ together.

As I looked around the table, seeing all of the happiness that surrounded it, engulfed it, I knew that I was missing out, like I was merely on the outside looking in. Peyton and Jake, Natalie and Nathan, and even Lucas and Rachel, who were without their significant others that evening, were happy and in love, and I had chosen not to be. I had let that opportunity slip through my fingers years ago. And that was what was _really_ bothering me; it wasn't that Nathan was getting married to someone else - it was that I had no one, and I had no one but myself to blame.

There was a buzzing in my purse, and I reached inside to grab my cell phone. I excused myself and flipped it open to reveal a new call:

_Ethan Graham calling. Accept or ignore?_

I glanced back at the table; Nathan met my gaze momentarily but soon shifted his attention back to his fiancé, tightening his hold on her hand. In that moment he had made his choice, and now I was making mine; turning away from him, I took a deep breath and chose _Accept.

* * *

_

**THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT - if you would like to continue on with this story please please let me know - thank you

* * *

**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, all I have finally decided to keep this story running, I am sorry to all those people who were thinking about taking up my offer on taking over this story but I have finally found what i needed to continue on, I have this chapter and the next ready and waiting for me to post, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and the one following.**

**Sorry for the long wait..**

**On with the story.. **

* * *

"It's so good to hear your voice, Hayley." Ethan paused, and I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was smiling.

"It's good to hear from you, too," I said, feeling my face flush slightly. I could feel a pair of eyes on me, but I didn't turn around.

"So, how's your case coming along?"

"It's going pretty well," I replied.

"God, Ella, that's great," he said, and I could tell that he meant it; the excitement in his voice made my stomach flip. "All of your hard work is finally paying off."

I smiled; it felt good to actually talk to someone who was genuinely interested in my life, in my interests, in my passion. Peyton and Rachel were great friends, but sometimes they didn't understand just how committed and passionate I was about Law. It wasn't just a hobby for me - it was my life. Ethan had always understood that, embraced it even; he had encouraged me during my hardest years of college, as a friend and more. He had been my rock, the one person I knew would always be there no matter what happened. And, I realized as I stood there, that I had taken him for granted. I had never given him the proper chance he'd deserved - a part of me had still yearned for Nathan.

"I know," I said, smiling slightly. "Tree Hill... it's great to be back."

"It is an amazing Town," he said. My stomach did a small flip-flop.

"I thought you'd never been to Tree Hill," I said suspiciously, my eyes darting around the room as if to see him standing in the corner.

"Well, Hayley, that's actually the reason I called - I'm, uh...I'm in town!" He sounded so excited, so thrilled, and I felt a small part of me reacting the same way. I hadn't seen him in months, and I suddenly found myself strangely missing his hand in mine and the way he looked when his eyes met my own.

"You're in town?" I repeated, a bit louder than I had intended; I heard the conversation going on behind me stop abruptly. "Wow, Ethan - what a surprise!"

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit relieved; he'd obviously been worried about my reaction. "It wasn't planned, really...well, it sort of was, but I never thought it would happen. I applied for a study abroad program at Tree Hill University, and... I got it."

"Ethan!" I shrieked; I couldn't believe how excited I was for him. Butterflies swarmed feverishly in my stomach. "That's so great! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you, Hayley - I'm so excited about this. I start my classes next Monday, and I've just found an apartment near the university. It's small and I have a roommate, but I'm not complaining."

"Wow," I said a bit breathlessly. "I...I don't even know what else to say."

"You could say that you'll have dinner with me tomorrow night," he said, a smile in his voice.

I hesitated, but only briefly. I glanced back at Nathan for a split second; his eyes were focused on Natalie. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great."

"Really?" He sounded slightly disbelieving.

"Yes, really. I'd love to see you again. Call me tomorrow with the details, okay?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'll talk to you tomorrow then, Hayley."

"Okay. Night, Ethan." I snapped my phone closed and smiled to myself as I returned to the table.

"So, who was on the phone?" Peyton asked, wasting no time. She stared at me intently, her honey eyes penetrating my own.

"Ethan," I said casually, slipping my phone back into my purse. I took a sip from my rum and coke, smiling at my cousin.

Her expression turned to one of surprise and her eyes widened slightly. "Oh, I thought I heard you say - "

"He's in town," I interrupted, shrugging. "He got a study abroad opportunity here at Tree Hill University."

Her eyes grew wider still; her mouth was now hanging slightly open. I glanced in Rachel's direction and saw a similar expression splashed across her face.

"That's...great," Peyton said half-heartily.

I narrowed my eyes and gave her a questioning glance. "Don't sound so excited," I muttered, returning my attention to my half-empty glass of rum and coke. I took a long drink from it, cringing slightly as the alcohol hit my tongue.

She immediately shook her head and smiled, waving her hand slightly. "No, I think it's great, Hayley!" she said a bit too enthusiastically. "Honestly!"

"So do I," said Rachel, and she was smiling brightly. "Maybe now we can finally meet him."

Nathan had sat watching this exchange with narrowed eyes and a confused expression splashed across his face. Natalie, too, had sat in curious silence, her hand briefly parted from Nathan's. I glanced at them quickly, averting my gaze as soon as Nathan's piercing blue eyes met my own.

"I don't mean to be rude, but who's Ethan?" Nathan said at last, his face still scrunched up slightly in confusion.

"A friend from New York," I said, taking another sip of my drink.

"Oh, aren't you just a _liar?_" Peyton said with a small laugh. "I wouldn't call Ethan a friend so much as I would call him an ex-boyfriend."

"Oh," Nathan said heavily, once again looking in my direction; I ignored him.

We were suddenly trapped in a thick, heavy silence; hoping to get the conversation going again, Natalie smiled brightly and once again began talking about her upcoming nuptials. It was met with enthusiasm, however, and I turned my attention to my thoughts as I took another long drink of my rum and coke.

* * *

"Yes, there will need to be some level of security, as I'm sure you understand," Nathan said into his mobile, his eyes fixed on his computer screen. "Yes, thanks very much." He closed it shut and sighed slightly, running his hands nervously through his hair. He scrolled down on the restaurant's website, not fully understanding what he had just done.

"What the hell am I doing?" he muttered under his breath, shutting off his computer. He began pacing the length of his flat, barely noticing the breathtaking view his long, wide windows offered. His mind was reeling and his heart was pounding in his chest; nothing seemed to be making sense.

He had overheard Peyton and Hayley talking about her dinner plans with her old boyfriend before he and Natalie had left the restaurant the previous evening. At the time he had not thought much of it, but after he'd woken up that morning, something within him had changed. He had found himself on his computer, bringing up the name of the restaurant, and then dialing the number to make a reservation for seven o'clock. And now as he stood there, his hands shaking slightly, he could not understand why he'd done it.

It was true, he reasoned, that seeing Hayley again after so much time had passed had affected him, but only slightly. He had not expected to see her that night, especially under such circumstances. But he _had_ seen her, and he had to admit that she was as beautiful as ever with her wavy, brown hair framing her pale face. He had forgotten, or perhaps had never fully appreciated, just how lovely she was. But most of that had come from the shock of seeing her so unexpectedly, and since that night had passed he had barely given her, or their meeting, a thought.

_Keep telling yourself that,_ he thought to himself, kicking a nearby chair as he walked by. The truth was that he had thought about her quite often, more often than he ever had since they had separated. _And,_ he thought as he flopped down onto his couch, his hands once again tugging at his hair, _I don't bloody well like it._

Natalie was his life now; he had chosen her, not Hayley, to spend the rest of his life with. He was in love with her, and this was something that he knew he would never doubt; she made him feel alive. It was not a passionate love like he had shared with Hayley, but it was comfortable and familiar and he didn't know how he would function without her in his life. He almost hated Hayley in that moment for coming back to Tree Hill, for interrupting his life, for making him question the plans he had made.

Things had been going perfectly well in his life before Hayley had come back to Tree Hill. He had been comfortable, content, satisfied with his life; now he found himself questioning his decisions and wondering what could have been if he had not allowed Hayley to tell him that the distance was too wide to make smaller.

He shook his head; he had stopped thinking about that years ago. He had stopped recreating the scene in his mind, stopped thinking of the tears that fell down Hayley's face as they sat on the dock by the lake that last day. He had stopped thinking about what could have happened if he had grabbed her and kissed her instead of simply watching her as she got up and walked away, his heart sinking in his chest as she faded into the sunset. But seeing her again, her eyes still as wide and bright as he remembered, brought all of those thoughts rushing back into his mind.

It unsettled him, unnerved him, finally knowing how simple it was for her to creep back into his thoughts. He had foolishly believed that he had mastered the art of forgetting her years ago. He was even beginning to recall small things he had not even known were stored away in his mind, like the way she always smelled of vanilla, or the way her nose crinkled ever so slightly when she laughed, or the jolt of electricity that seemed to course through him every time her fingers grazed against his skin...

"Good morning, love," Natalie said as she entered the living room, her hair slightly tousled from sleep. He jumped slightly as he was torn abruptly from his thoughts. His cheeks reddened, embarrassed of what he had just been thinking about.

"Morning," he replied, offering her a small smile. "Sleep well?"

"I always do when I'm here," she said as she put on the kettle for tea. "Your bed is heavenly."

"Sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're sleeping next to me?" he said cheekily, grinning at her.

She smiled, and his stomach flipped; in that moment, she was more beautiful to him than she had ever been. Thoughts of Hayley were temporarily erased from his mind as he studied her, suddenly wanting desperately to be close to her. He wanted his fingers tangled in her hair, her legs wrapped around him, his lips grazing every inch of her skin he could reach...

"What about tea tonight, Nathan?" she said, interrupting his thoughts once again. "Fancy a night in, or are we going out?"

"Out," he said automatically, almost without thinking. It felt as though a rock had fallen into the pit of his stomach as he remembered the dinner reservation. Hayley and Ethan would undoubtedly be there; what would Natalie say if she saw them? And, more importantly, what would Hayley say if she saw he and Natalie there? He doubted either of them would believe that it was just merely a coincidence.

Natalie raised her eyebrows slightly at him and looked at him expectantly, obviously waiting for him to elaborate. "Well, love, I've made a reservation for us," Nathan said quickly.

"For where?" she asked, turning her attention to the kettle as it began to whistle.

"The Ivy," he replied. "I know how much you love that restaurant."

She smiled sweetly at him. "It sounds lovely." She walked over to him with a steaming mug of tea and handed it to him, lowering herself onto his lap, facing him. She kissed him gently and he felt a thrill ripple through him; disregarding his mug of tea, he gripped her tightly and kissed her fiercely, his hands finally in her hair.

"I love you, you know," he whispered to her between kisses, and he felt more than heard her murmur it back. It had never been that way with Hayley; she had never told him that she loved him. He thought he had heard her once as he drifted in and out of sleep, orange burning around him, but he had never been sure; instead, he often attributed it to a dream, a blissful dream he sometimes wished were real.

* * *

"I can't even imagine how excited you must be about going to university," I said to Ethan as we sat sipping our drinks at The Ivy, a restaurant I'd always wanted to go to but never had. It hadn't been easy getting the reservation; I'd had to drop my father's name in order to secure a table for Ethan and I.

"Yeah, I have no doubt that it'll be amazing," he said, smiling. "I still can't believe that I was actually accepted, to be honest."

"I know, considering how incredibly stupid you are," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"You flatter me," he said, chuckling. I smiled. He stared at me for a few moments, then said, "I'm really glad you're here tonight, Hayley."

I felt my face heat slightly; giving him a small smile, I replied, "So am I."

"It's been a long time," he mused, taking a sip of his scotch. "I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too," I said, and I genuinely meant it.

He looked at me, the firelight from the flickering candle on the table reflected in his wide, shining eyes. "Remember the night you left?" he said, and I felt my stomach drop slightly.

"Yeah," I said, avoiding his gaze.

"You said we shouldn't hold each other back, remember? Because of the distance that separated us." He looked at me again, his eyes piercing my own. I nodded; I had nothing else to say. He took this as a sign to continue.

"Well, now...what kind of distance is there between us? A few miles between your apartment and mine? If you miss me, and I miss you...what's holding us back now?" He paused and reached for my hand; his skin was rough against mine, but our hands still fit perfectly. My eyes drifted from his momentarily towards the door, and I half-contemplated running, just as I'd always done, but instead I squeezed his hand and half-smiled, watching as his eyes locked with mine.

"I think there's a little more than a few miles separating us now," I said gently, and his eyes shifted away from mine suddenly. "It's been months since we've seen or spoken to each other, Ethan. We can't just go back to what we were before, not that easily."

He sat in silence for several moments, but his hand never left mine. Finally, bringing his gaze back up to meet mine, he smiled. "I know," he said. "I know it won't be easy, or quick, or exactly how it used to be. But I'd like to try again, Hayley. The only question is whether or not you'd like to try again too."

I opened my mouth to reply, but no sound came out; at that exact moment, my eye caught sight of two people I had certainly not expected to see. Nathan and Natalie were being led to their private table in the far corner of the restaurant, their hands lightly entwined. I felt my face flush as a hot wave of anger coursed through my veins; had he _followed_ me here?

Ethan's eyes followed my gaze; as they landed upon Nathan and Natalie, his cheeks tinged a light pink. "Oh. It's _him._"

I pulled my eyes away from the smiling couple and turned my attention back to Ethan, shaking my head slightly. "I was just surprised to see him," I said quickly. "He seems to be popping up everywhere I go lately."

He nodded, but his eyes were dark and clouded over. "I hear he's engaged," he said tonelessly. "I bet you're thrilled about that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said, hurt laced heavily in my voice.

"I think I've finally figured out why you keep running," he said, shrugging slightly. "You're still in love with him, aren't you?"

I stared at him in disbelief, my face burning, my mind reeling. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Nathan, his eyes turned in my direction, and in that moment I knew what I had to do. Turning my eyes toward Ethan, I reached across the table and pulled him to me, my lips crashing against his. I felt a thrill run through me as his hands grabbed my face, his fingers running through my hair. From across the room I heard the sound of breaking glass, and I smiled slightly to myself as I continued kissing Ethan, pushing all thoughts of Nathan out of my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hayley's P.O.V

* * *

**"So I suppose you and Ethan are together now?" He sounded bitter, and his eyes were not quite level with mine. I hated that my cheeks were burning fiercely; if he noticed, he would know exactly how badly he'd gotten to me.

Before properly thinking about it, I found myself firing back with a strong, fierce, "Yes." My eyes stared straightforward, daring him to look me in the eyes.

"I rather enjoyed the show you put on out there," he said, finally looking up to meet my gaze. His eyes were dark and cloudy, something unrecognizable swimming within them.

"That's great, Nathan," I said heatedly, balling my hands into small, tight fists. "You're really on a roll tonight, you know that?"

"I don't know - "

"Just...just shut up, Nathan," I said, very calmly. "You followed me here tonight, and don't try to tell me otherwise. I don't know exactly what you're trying to do here, but whatever it is...just _stop._"

He took a few steps toward me, mere inches separating us now; I could feel his breath on my cheek, could see the tiny specks of green surrounded by the blue in his eyes.

"Just stop." He said these words dryly, flatly in a soft whisper. "Just stop."

I nodded, swallowing hard. I felt unexplainably lightheaded. "Yes. Just stop."

He looked defeated, his shoulders slumped, his head suddenly down. I bit my lip, needing a distraction from the sight of him, my heart pounding loudly against my chest. He looked so like the Nathan I had once known in that moment.

"Right," he said suddenly, stepping away from me, his eyes burning with something I couldn't decipher. "Sorry."

My brow furrowed in confusion as he brushed past me, walking back into the restaurant. His shoulder made contact with my exposed arm and a chill went down my spine; I turned suddenly, watching him disappear amongst the lights and tables. I realized then that he had been trying to tell me something, something I had been secretly wanting to hear ever since that last day at the lake; but as I made to follow him, I knew that it was too late.

The moment had passed; it was gone. It had disappeared with him in the dimly lit restaurant, everything seeming to blur together in shades of gold. He was making his way back to Natalie, no doubt. If it had not been for my stupid mouth, everything could have turned out differently. I sighed as I headed back into the restaurant in search of Ethan, catching him in the corner of my eye at our table. I made my way over to the table and sat down across from him, smiling nervously.

"Judging from the look on his face when he came back inside, I'm betting that you ripped him a new one," Ethan said with a grin, tipping his glass toward me.

I offered him a half-smile, my eyes not meeting his. I took hold of my drink and put the glass to my lips, grimacing slightly as the alcohol slid down my throat. I could see Nathan's table from where I sat, and it was now empty; he and Natalie had obviously left, probably hand-in-hand. I turned away from the empty table and refocused my attention on Ethan, although I still remained silent.

"You know, he had a hell of a lot of nerve coming over here," Ethan said, shaking his head slightly. "I can't believe he actually had the balls to do it."

"Well, Nathan has always been a little impulsive," I said, taking another sip of my drink. "Usually he acts without really thinking things through."

He nodded. I once again averted his gaze, instead choosing to focus my attention on my dwindling glass of rum and coke. He placed his hand on mine, forcing me to look up at him. He was smiling, but there was uncertainty written all over his face.

"I don't know what really happened here tonight," he said. "But when you kissed me, it felt like nothing had ever changed between us. It felt like it used to. I really want to give this another chance."

"So do I," I replied, realizing my error a moment too late. Still, I didn't stop; it was almost as if I truly wanted Ethan back in my life.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked, the uncertainty in his eyes more prominent than before.

"Yes," I said, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"So...there's nothing between you and Nathan? Nothing at all?" His eyes were wide and imploring, and his fingers tightened around mine slightly.

I shook my head. "No. I got over him a long time ago. We've both moved on with our lives."

He looked incredibly relieved as a large grin spread across his lips. "You don't know how glad I am to hear that."

I smiled back at him, forcing myself to believe that this was the right decision. Nathan was gone now, about to start his new life with Natalie at his side. I had to move on from that, and I had to accept that there was no future for us. There was, however, a future for Ethan and I, and that was what I had to focus on. I had to forget about that silly summer fling that had ended so long ago. It was time to grow up and start living my life without the memory of that summer following me everywhere I went.

I wouldn't let Ethan and I became the super-couple we had once been. When people saw us, they would see us as two different people instead of one giant being; I would make sure of that. As I sat at the table, my hand lightly entwined with Ethan's, I told myself that I wouldn't lose my identity with him again. He squeezed my hand and I grinned, falling back into comfortable familiarity.

* * *

"Now, as for the flowers, I can't quite decide between dendrobium orchids or dahlias. I was thinking that we could possibly combine the two, but it might be a bit...much." Natalie held up two photographs in front of Nathan, staring at him imploringly.

"Er," he began, scratching his head, "I think they're both quite lovely. Really, it's up to you. I can't be bothered with flowers."

Natalie scowled and glared at him. "Nathan, this is _our_ wedding, not just _mine._ We have to make decisions together, even things you consider to be trivial."

Nathan sighed. "I don't think flowers are trivial, love, I just think that you're better suited to make that decision. I don't know the difference between roses and daisies, to be honest."

"Well, lucky for you we're deciding between orchids and dahlias, and the pictures of these flowers are currently staring you in the face. So, choose." She tapped her foot impatiently against the hardwood floor, and Nathan found his patience dwindling rapidly.

"Fine. I like the ones on the right. The dahlias, I suppose," he said, running a hand through his hair in annoyance.

"Really?" Natalie replied, scrunching her nose up slightly. "I think I like the orchids better."

Nathan felt as though he was going to explode, but he kept his temper under control. "I like the orchids as well. Let's have those, then."

"But if you _really_ prefer the dahlias..."

"No, I _really_ prefer the orchids. Really." He did his best to smile reassuringly, and it seemed to be enough for Natalie; she smiled and kissed him quickly, picking up the phone and placing the order. He sighed in relief, rubbing his temples gingerly; he could feel a headache coming on.

It had been a rather hectic month in Nathan's life. He had been bombarded with wedding preparations and questions, forced to make decisions he didn't care much about. If it had been up to him, he would have preferred to just take Natalie to a church and marry her without all the frills and preparations. He knew, however, that the wedding was important to her, and he grudgingly went along with the planning. He couldn't help but think, though, that if he were marrying Hayley things wouldn't be so complicated. It was an utterly stupid thought to have, but sometimes as he lay awake at night, listening to Natalie's soft snores, he couldn't control the thoughts that danced across his mind.

It had been nearly four weeks since his encounter with Hayley at The Ivy, and he had not spoken to her since. He was not quite sure he wanted to. He had been extraordinarily weak that night, almost blurting out what had been swimming around in his mind since she had come back to Tree Hill. He had been so close to saying it, to telling her that he was willing to give up everything if it meant being with her again. But she had stopped him, and in the weeks that followed he had became grateful that she had. He could have ruined everything he had made for himself since her departure four years previously, and for what? It was obvious that Hayley had moved on, and so had he. He knew there was no future for them, not when he was engaged and she was involved with someone else.

Still, he could not quite shake the feeling that had crept upon him as he sat watching Hayley kiss Ethan. He had never felt as jealous as he had in that moment, watching his fingers get lost in her silky hair, seeing her smile ever so slightly as his lips crashed against hers. He had the distinct feeling that it should've been him instead of Ethan. It should've been him sitting there with her, laughing with her, his fingers interlaced with hers. He also knew that it was useless to think of such things; his life was full of plans, and he wasn't quite sure that he wanted to change them, especially for Hayley. She had never been one for stability, routine, or planning; there was no guarantee of a future with someone like her.

"Nathan?" Natalie's voice interrupted him from his thoughts. "Nathan, could you come here for a moment?"

He sighed quietly and lifted himself out of his comfortable armchair, making his way into the bedroom. The sight that met him there left him absolutely breathless.

Natalie smiled nervously as she twirled around in a beautiful white wedding gown. "I know it's a bit untraditional to have the groom see the dress before the wedding," she said, "but I really wanted to know your opinion of it before I buy it. This may not even be the one I decide to get, to be honest. The designer brought it over earlier on, so I could test it out."

Nathan still could not bring himself to speak. It was as if he wasn't seeing her at all; all he could imagine was Hayley standing before him, dressed in that beautiful gown. He was imagining seeing her walking down the aisle towards him, a bright smile on her face; he was imagining a house with a backyard and a fence, children with her hair and her eyes, rainy nights spent curled up by the fire. He couldn't get the image out of his mind even as Natalie looked at him expectantly, her smile faltering slightly.

"It's a beautiful dress," he said at last, but he was shaking his head. "But I don't quite think it's...right."

Her face fell. "What do you mean?" Her voice was shrill.

"You look smashing in it, love," he said reassuringly. "But I think you could wear something even _more_ beautiful." The truth was that he couldn't bear to see her in that dress, not when all he could imagine was Hayley wearing it instead.

"You know," she began, examining herself in the mirror, "I was thinking of putting more jewels on the bodice. I suppose this dress is a bit understated."

In his eyes it was perfect, but it was made for a different woman. He nodded his agreement. "More jewels would be great, love. Whatever you want."

She smiled. "All right, then. I'll just get changed and then we can decide what to do for tea today." She placed a quick kiss on his lips as she ushered him out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Nathan collapsed onto the couch, his attention falling upon the day's newspaper that was sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up and began to flip through it, stopping to read a few interesting pieces. He finally ended up on the society page, where two very familiar faces stared back at him. He immediately began to read the small block of text that accompanied the photograph, his breath catching in his throat as he finished. Fuming, he slammed the newspaper back onto the table, reached for his cell phone and began to dial.

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**Thanks for the few reviews, I appreciate it.**

**The next chapter is taking a little longer to write then i thought, so i'll apologize now for the wait ahead.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks everyone for the reviews, you're all awesome. **

**Hope you like this chapter. **

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**Nathan's P.O.V**

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**"I was wondering if you could make some sense of this for me," Nathan said heatedly into his phone, displeased by the silence that met him on the other end. "I don't want to meddle in things that have nothing to do with me, but frankly I'm a bit concerned. She's been with this bloke what, a month?"

Peyton sighed heavily. "Nate, I don't know what to tell you. He asked her and she said yes. That's all I know."

"Bullshit," Nathan retorted hotly, his face burning. "You're her best mate, Peyton! Surely you can talk some sense into that thick head of hers!"

"Are we talking about the same Hayley James?" she replied, a hint of amusement in her voice. "You should know by now that once Hayley's got something in her head, there's no talking to her."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's doing this out of spite," he said, careful to keep his voice low; he did not want Natalie to overhear his conversation. "Or...jealousy, even."

Peyton remained silent for several moments. "Nathan, I really shouldn't be having this conversation with you."

"Why not?" he asked, affronted. "Peyton, it's like I told you. I'm genuinely concerned about her. I think she's rushing into things without giving them any kind of proper thought."

"People could say the same about you," she replied calmly. "You seem to be in a terrible rush to get a wedding ring on Natalie's finger."

"There's a difference, Peyton. We've been together longer than a bloody month!" He could feel his patience dwindling rapidly.

"So have they," she said in the same calm, matter-of-fact tone. "They were together for nearly two years before she moved to North Carolina."

"You know, I thought you'd be on my side on this," he said, defeated.

She sighed heavily. "I agree with you, all right? She is rushing into this far too quickly. But I've got no control over her, and neither do you. And, honestly, I don't see why you're so interested in her life. Shouldn't you be more concerned with your own? After all, you've got a wedding to plan."

"What are you implying, Peyton?" His hands were shaking slightly from the hot anger that was coursing through his veins.

She hesitated. "Nathan, have you ever considered the possibility that perhaps you're still in love with Hayley?"

Her question stunned him into silence. He had been thinking of Hayley more than he ever had since she returned to Tree Hill, but that didn't mean he was in love with her. He was engaged to Natalie; that was whom he loved. Still, whenever he thought of love he pictured Hayley's face. Whenever he saw her his heart quickened, his hands shook and he felt lightheaded; while she had been away in New York, the thought of her warmed him. He had never quite acknowledged it before, but confronted with Peyton's question he was forced to think about it. And that was when he knew that he was still utterly, totally and completely in love with Hayley James.

Peyton took his long, heavy silence as his answer. "I thought so."

"Peyton..." he began, but found he did not quite know what to say to her.

"It's all right," she said quickly. "I won't tell her, or anyone for that matter. But...maybe you should."

"And ruin my entire life?" he replied hotly. "Ruin hers? And Natalie's, and Ethan's?"

"I think you'll be ruining both of your lives if you _don't_ tell her," Peyton said simply. "You'll be making a huge mistake by marrying Natalie if you're still in love with Hayley."

Nathan considered this, but knew he could never admit his feelings to Hayley, especially not after reading that article. Their fates were sealed now, and there was no time left for them; their time had long since passed. He had to focus on moving on from her; she had made it very clear that she had moved on from him.

"No," he said flatly, shaking his head as he did so. "No, I can't do that. I couldn't possibly tell her."

Peyton sighed heavily. "Fine, then make the biggest mistake of your life. But one day when you're sitting in your flat wondering what went wrong with your life, don't come crying to me."

"That was a bit harsh," he said, slightly offended.

"It was, but it was also true, too," she shot back. "But if you want this to be our little secret, then it will be."

"Yeah, I think it's going to have to be," he said, slightly relieved. "Listen, I've got to go. Thanks for...well, everything."

"You're welcome," Peyton replied. "Goodbye, Nathan."

"Bye." He shut his mobile closed and set it upon the table, leaning back into the couch and covering his face with his hands. He could not quite believe what he had just admitted to Peyton. He had not even fully admitted it to himself. He wanted nothing more than to punch himself for being so incredibly stupid.

If word got back to Hayley, it would ruin everything. His wedding would surely be called off, Hayley's relationship with Ethan would suffer, and all of the plans he had made for himself would become null and void. Rationally, he knew that Hayley finding out the truth would be catastrophic. But if he truly thought about it, he almost wanted her to know. He almost wanted to ruin his relationship and his plans; he almost wanted to live life unpredictably and unplanned.

But as he sat there, he knew that he would never tell her. He knew his secret would never be told.

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Hayley's P.O.V

Something I always wished I could control was time. It either moved too fast or too slow, never at a pace I was totally comfortable with. The past month served as a perfect example of my somewhat unhealthy desire to control time; at first it had dragged on, never-ending, and then it had sped up, moving at rapid speed. I felt like my head was going to explode.

This time, time was moving too fast.

Ethan was on bended knee before me, holding a small black box in his hand. Inside the box was a dazzling diamond engagement ring. He opened his mouth to speak. "Hayley, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

My mind was completely blank and at the most inopportune moment of my life; Ethan was smiling expectantly at me, waiting for me to give him an answer. I couldn't say no, not in front of the entire restaurant full of onlookers. I couldn't say yes, either; all of this felt rushed, hurried, too soon. But as I stood there, looking into his hopeful, expectant eyes, I already knew what my answer would be. For a small, fleeting moment, Nathan flashed through my mind, giving me a moment's hesitation. But I knew that our time was over, and he had made it clear that he had moved on; perhaps now it was time for me to do the same.

Ethan was a good man, and he would be a good husband. He treated me as an equal, and I knew he would never try to control or take care of me in the traditional sense of the word. We had been happy together before, and it wasn't fair of me to discount the possibility that we could be happy together once again.

He was still looking at me, and my heart fluttered a bit as I smiled and nodded. I could not quite bring myself to say the word, but he knew that I had accepted; slowly, he slipped the ring onto my finger and stood, his hands on my face as he pressed his lips to mine. Behind us, I heard the congratulatory applause of the other diners in the restaurant.

"You have made me the happiest man in the world," he said, his face wet with tears. "I love you so much, Hayley." He kissed me again, and I felt myself smile. I had never pictured this moment playing out the way it had, but I wasn't disappointed. I felt as we stood there together that my life was just beginning, and for once I wasn't looking back.

* * *

"Yeah, Dad, it's really great news," I said into my phone, a smile spread across my face.

"Hayley, I cannot tell you how _ecstatic_ I am about your engagement," my father replied, and I knew from the sound of his voice that he was smiling. "You must have Ethan round to dinner tonight. I'd say its about time Olivia and I met him."

"Right," I said, glancing over in Ethan's direction. He was lounged across my couch, flipping through the morning newspaper. "Tonight is fine. What time would you like us over?"

"How about you come by around seven? That gives me enough time to have the cook whip up something fabulous."

"Okay, Dad. We'll see you then." I hung up and turned towards Ethan. "I guess we're going to my father's tonight for dinner. He really wants to meet you."

"That sounds good," he said without looking up from the paper. "Look at this, Hayley. There's an article about our engagement in the paper."

"What?" I said; rushing over to him and grabbed the newspaper out of his hands. "How could they even _know?_" "I did propose to you in front of an entire restaurant of people," he pointed out. "I'm sure someone knew exactly who you were and tipped off the papers."

"Great," I said, throwing the paper onto the table. "That's exactly what I need."

"What's the big deal?" he said, eyeing me quizzically. "So people know we're engaged. Is that such a terrible thing?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I just don't like my personal life being intruded upon. I don't want my family and friends to read about my engagement before I even have a chance to tell them about it."

"I know," he said, taking my hand and pulling me down to lie next to him. "I suppose it comes with the territory, though. You have to remember who your father is, and..." He hesitated for a moment, then continued. "And, you did date Nathan Scott, which still makes your love life a point of interest to the general public."

"I guess so," I said, sighing. I felt my phone vibrate, and the screen flashed Peyton's name. "It's Peyton. I'm sure she read the paper and is just _furious_ with me."

"Go on and answer it," he urged, giving me a reassuring smile.

I flipped open my phone and said, "Hey, Peyton."

"_What_ is wrong with you?" she screeched into my ear. "You get engaged and can't even find the time to ring me? I have to find out from a _bloody newspaper?_"

"I'm sorry!" I replied. "Really, I am. I just called my dad and I was just about to call you, I swear."

There was silence for a few moments, and then, "Oh, who cares! You're _engaged!_"

I laughed. "I know! I almost can't believe it."

"I almost can't believe it myself," she said, half-laughing. "Who would have thought that Hayley James, commitment-phoebe, would be engaged before me?"

"Shut up," I retorted.

"Honestly, your news has made me a bit angry with Jake. We've been together a full four years and I doubt the thought of marriage has even crossed his mind. And here you are, engaged!"

I laughed. "It's slightly insane. I always thought Jake would pop the question long before I got engaged to someone."

"Well, I'll be dropping some anvil-sized hints later on, believe me," she said, laughter in her voice. "So. How are you feeling about all of this?"

I glanced at Ethan; he was still absorbed in the newspaper. "Great," I replied, and up until that moment I _had_ felt great about it. As soon as the word left my lips, however, a knot began to form in my stomach.

"It's a rather large step, isn't it?" Peyton said, and I knew that she could tell how apprehensive I had just become.

"Yeah, but...it's great, you know?" I said, somewhat unconvincingly. "I feel really good about this. I do."

"Who are you trying to convince?" she said jokingly, but I knew that there was some meaning in her words.

"Funny," I replied, nervously biting my lip. "Well...yeah. We're supposed to go to my dad's tonight for dinner. Should be entertaining."

"I'd imagine so," she said. "Especially if Olivia's going to be there. She's bound to say a couple dozen stupid remarks."

"True." I laughed, but it felt forced, awkward.

The conversation continued for a few more minutes, ending with a suggestion from Peyton that she, Jake, Ethan and I go out on a double-date later that week. I placed my phone back onto the table and sighed, wringing my hands.

Ethan was oblivious to my discomfort, and I was glad of it; I didn't want him to know how anxious I had suddenly become. It seemed as though the commitment I had made was only just hitting me. Visions of a big house in the suburbs with a white-picket fence, the lawn overrun with too many children, suddenly flashed through my mind, and I knew that I never wanted my future to be that way. I felt control slowly slipping away from me, and I had never felt more panicked in my life.

Ethan turned and smiled at me, and I felt empty in the pit of my stomach. _Oh, God,_ I thought to myself, _what have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

"So, before, when I told you how great getting married was going to be...well, let's just say I wasn't being entirely truthful." I averted my eyes away from Peyton's knowing gaze, staring at a spot behind her on the wall.

"You always second guess any major decision you make," she said matter-of-factly. "And this is probably the biggest one you'll ever make. It's normal to be nervous."

"It's more than just nerves, I think," I said, sighing. "I really don't know if Ethan and I are meant to get married."

She stared at me for a few moments, searching my face. "Hayley, you know that I'll support any decision you make. But I can't help you _make_ the decision. That's something you have to do on your own."

I nodded, biting my lip. "I know that. I just...it was so sudden, you know? It came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting a proposal. But he backed me into a corner, and I couldn't bring myself to say no."

"Do you think you should have said no?" she asked, staring at me intently.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "It's not that I don't care about Ethan, because I do. I really do. But looking at this ring on my finger is scaring the _shit _out of me."

"Is it just the commitment that's scaring you?" she asked, something hidden in her voice. "Or is it something more?"

I stared at her, unsure of how to answer. The commitment itself was certainly terrifying, but I knew I'd be lying if I said that was all it was. I couldn't help but think that something better was out there, patiently waiting for me to find it. If I married Ethan, I felt as though I'd be throwing that possibility away.

"Maybe...maybe there's something better out there," I said quietly. "Maybe this just isn't _it_ for me."

"If that's how you truly feel," Peyton began, her voice even and serious, "then don't marry him."

I recoiled slightly; I had not expected that from her. I had expected her to reassure me excessively, telling me I was just being the same old insufferable, indecisive Hayley I had always been; hearing those words come from her mouth shocked me.

"It's like I told you, Hayley," she said, noticing the surprised look splashed across my face, "I will support _any_ decision you make. But if _you_ feel like this isn't right for you, I don't think you should go through with it."

"But that's just the thing," I said hurriedly, a hint of panic in my voice, "I don't _know_ if this is right for me!"

"Then you're going to have to figure it out," she said firmly. "It won't be fair to you, to Ethan, or to anyone else until you do."

I had a sinking suspicion of who the "anyone else" she referred to was, but I kept silent. Instead I nodded, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"I think I'll be all right," I said, offering her a small smile. "I think I'm just being ridiculous. Let me settle into this a bit more, and I'm sure I'll be fine."

She smiled, but it didn't seem genuine. "It seems like everyone's second-guessing themselves when it comes to marriage lately," she said with a small chuckle. "I wonder how I'm going to be when my turn comes."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What, has Ethan talked to you about his doubts as well?"

She shook her head. "I talked to Nathan earlier. Seems as though he's been having some doubts of his own."

My stomach dropped. "Really," I said, trying to sound disinterested.

"Yes," she continued. "I suppose that's to be expected, though, right? The magnitude of it all would naturally be a bit overwhelming."

"Right," I agreed, nervously biting my lip. So many thoughts were racing through my mind; if Nathan was having second thoughts, and _I_ was having second thoughts...

"I think he'll be fine, though," she said airily. "Just like you'll be fine. Right?"

"Right," I said, smiling and dropping my gaze, forcing all thoughts of Nathan out of my mind.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, all sorry for the late update, like everybody else school as been cruel - year 13 is not as easy as it's meant to look.**

**I was also saddened and a bit surprised by the little amount of reviews I got for the latest chapter, though I would like to thank the three people who did review, it means a lot.**

**I am really hoping to get a lot more reviews for this chapter.**

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**Hayley's P.O.V**

"You can't be serious."

Ethan and I were standing inside of a large, high ceilinged cathedral, his hand wrapped loosely in mine. He wore a large, contagious grin, but I had failed to catch it; my lips remained in a tight frown, my eyes narrowed in his direction.

"What? Of course I am," he said, pulling me farther into the old cathedral. "Isn't it beautiful?"

I would give him that the cathedral _was_ stunning with its ornate floors, stained-glass windows and gleaming woodwork. But I had never been much for churches, and I certainly never imagined myself getting married in one.

"It is," I agreed, nodding as he pulled me further into the cathedral. "But, you know how I feel about...well, _this_ kind of stuff."

"Hayley, I'm not asking you to convert your religion," he said, rolling his eyes.

"I don't have a religion to convert from," I said, a bit annoyed.

"Well, I'm not asking you to stop being agnostic or whatever it is you are - "

"That's nice, Ethan. Really nice." I wrenched my hand from his and scoffed, folding my arms across my chest. "I'm not agnostic, or atheist, or Christian or Jewish. I believe in God, I just don't follow a religion."

"Well, that's what I was trying to say," he said, reaching out for my hand once more. "But you know how my family feels. They want us to have a church wedding."

"Luckily for us, this is _our_ wedding, not theirs," I spat back, feeling unusually nasty that afternoon.

He raised his eyebrows at me, seemingly surprised by my behavior. "It's not just important to them, Hayley. It's important to me."

I sighed heavily, knowing that he would win this argument by simply making me feel guilty. In all honesty, though, I couldn't understand why I was so against this idea in the first place. It was true that a church was not at the top of my list of places to get married, but normally it would have only been a minor technicality. I didn't understand why I was suddenly being so incredibly difficult.

"I know," I said with another heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. A church wedding will be great."

He smiled, giving my hand a small, grateful squeeze. "You're the best, you know that?"

"Careful you don't inflate my ego too much," I said, chuckling lightly. I leaned into him as we walked nearer to the altar, catching a whiff of his cologne; he smelled slightly of cinnamon.

"Can you see us standing up there?" he whispered into my ear as he pointed to the altar, his words laced with affection.

I stared at the altar before me, grand and beautiful; I pictured Peyton, Rachel and Brooke clad in matching dresses, Ethan's groomsmen in smart black tuxedoes, and Ethan grinning from ear to ear, but I could not envision myself in a white gown, my hands entwined with Ethan's. Instead of voicing this to Ethan, however, I said, "Yeah."

He smiled wider, pulling me closer to him. "So do you think this is it?"

_No,_ I thought to myself, but I ignored it; instead, I smiled and said, "I think it is."

He turned to face me and I felt his lips gently touch mine. Within seconds, he pulled away, a large grin on his face. "Now all that's left to do is set a date," he said, and I felt my stomach drop.

Set a date. A date on which I would become Mrs. Ethan Graham. A date on which my life would change forever. A date, I suddenly realized, I was slightly dreading.

"Wow," I said, my voice shaking slightly. "Hadn't really thought about it, to be honest."

"I know you said that you wanted a long engagement," he said, and I could feel a _but_ coming on from the tone of his voice, "but Hayley, I can't wait to marry you. What do you say we get married in, say, April?"

"April?" I repeated, my voice high and shrill. "That's only four months away."

"I know," he said, his finger lightly stroking my cheek. "But I love you, and I want to marry you as soon as I possibly can."

"Ethan, that's a bit soon," I said, suddenly feeling rather faint. "I mean, marriage is a huge step...it's not something to be rushed."

"When it's right, it's right," he said softly, his eyes locked with mine.

"But," I began, feeling all control slowly slipping away from me, "how will we have enough time to plan the wedding we want to have? I don't know about you, but I don't want this to be a rushed job."

"Neither do I," he said sincerely. "And it won't be. If we get started now, believe me, we'll have the wedding of our dreams come April."

I didn't know what else to say. It felt as though all rational thought had fled my brain, all sense of independence had been squashed, and all words in my vocabulary save for "Yes" and "Of course, darling" had been eliminated.

"Yes...yeah...okay," I said, a feeling of dread settling over me. "So, April."

"April," he said, taking my face in his hands and sending his lips crashing against mine. We stood in the cathedral for some time, wrapped up in each other, a smile firmly planted on my lips; but on the inside, I was screaming.

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"No. No, Dad, I don't want - "

"Hayley, I am your father and I want to do this for you."

"But Dad, I really don't want a big to-do - "

"Well, you're getting one whether you like it or not. End of discussion."

"Shouldn't I have _some_ say in the matter? After all, it is _my_ engagement."

"Yes, of course it is, which is precisely why I would like to throw an engagement party for you and your future husband."

I sighed, staring into the depths of my father's dark eyes. He was wearing a rather comical smile, his eyes wide and pleading. I couldn't help but smile at the look splashed across his face.

"Fine, fine!" I said, exasperated. "You can throw the wretched party."

"Wonderful," he said, his eyes crinkling in the corners as a grin broke out across his face. He stood and planted a kiss atop my head, and I was suddenly reminded of the bedtime stories he would read to me as a child, making sure to kiss my head before I drifted off into sleep. I smiled, watching as he turned his back to me as he began to make phone calls to caterers.

In the privacy of my own mind, I thought that having an engagement party only two weeks before Christmas was a bit impractical. However, I did not voice these concerns to my father; I couldn't bear to disappoint him when he seemed so happy and so ridiculously determined to throw me the engagement party of the century.

"Hayley," he said suddenly, ripping me away from my thoughts, "you may want to start compiling a guest list. We've got to get the invitations out by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I said helplessly, a million names running through my mind. "That's a bit...fine. No problem." I sighed, feeling my stress level increase considerably as I stood to find a spare piece of paper and a pen.

I scribbled "To Invite" at the top of a sheet of paper, furiously writing down all the names I could think of. Halfway through the list, I began to write a very familiar name, stopping myself as I began to write the last name.

I had nearly written Nathan's complete name on the invitation list, feeling my stomach churn unpleasantly as I realized my error. What was I thinking? There was no possible way that I would invite Nathan to my engagement party, especially after our encounter at The Ivy the previous month. Besides, even if I _did_ invite him, there was no way he'd actually show up.

_Would he?_

"No," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head. There was no possible way that Nathan would accept an invitation to my engagement party.

_You went to his._ "Only because I didn't _know_ it was his," I muttered, shaking my head once more. If there had been any kind of prior knowledge, I never would have stepped foot into that party all those months ago.

_But, maybe you would have._ I knew I wouldn't have. I may have been curious to see who he was marrying, but I never would have purposely humiliated myself the way I had. I may have wondered what made him decide to get married, but I wouldn't have gone to the party. I knew I wouldn't have. I knew.

_Only you don't._

I sighed, frustrated with myself. To invite, or not to invite that was the question. Would he be offended if I didn't offer him an invitation? Would he feel weird if I _did_ offer him an invitation? Surely he would find out about it I was inviting his immediate circle of friends, and word traveled quickly in that group.

Maybe he would see it as an act of maturity. Maybe if I sent an invitation his way, he would understand that I was making an attempt at civility, an attempt to put the past completely behind us. Maybe he would see that I was moving on once and for all.

_Or, maybe he'll realize that you're full of crap._

"AGH!" I yelled, throwing the pen across the room. My father looked up abruptly, hastily telling whoever he was on the phone with to please hold; he stared at me, partly confused, partly afraid.

"Hayley, what is it?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Oh, um..." I began, feeling my face heat up significantly. "The pen...it ran out of ink."

He raised his eyebrows slightly, but said nothing more as he handed me another pen, returning to his phone call. I smiled in thanks and refocused my attention on the guest list, having finally made my decision.

Right beneath _Mr. and Mrs. John Wilkinson,_ I wrote _Mr. Nathan Scott and Miss Natalie McCormack._

* * *

"You don't think this dress is too low-cut?" I asked Peyton as I fidgeted nervously in the crowd of people, though still managing to maintain a smile on my face.

"No," she said for what must have been the tenth time. "I've told you already, you look great tonight."

"Wish I felt that way," I said with a sigh.

"Oh, shut up," she retorted, rolling her eyes. "This is your party, you know. You should at least try to have a good time."

"I am," I said through clenched teeth, watching nervously as more and more people flooded into the ballroom my father had reserved. "I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Where's Ethan?" she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously.

"Erm..." I began, unsure of what to say; the truth was that I had no idea where he was. "He'll be here soon."

She nodded, but her lips were pursed; I could tell that she was annoyed. "The guests are arriving. He should be here."

"He will be," I said, more sharply than I intended.

Again, she simply nodded. I refocused my attention on the crowd that was gathering, watching as dozens of people I barely knew accepted flutes of champagne from the waiters circling the room. I felt much like I had at Nathan's engagement party; everything seemed too extravagant and completely overdone.

"Hayley!"

I spun around quickly, my hair whipping around my face. Lucas was approaching with Leah, his on- and off-again girlfriend. Her chestnut brown hair, noticeable red streaks flashing through each strand, was shorter than it had been the last time I'd seen her, but then again, that had been over four years ago. Naturally, things were bound to have changed.

"Lucas," I said with a wide smile, embracing him briefly. "I'm so glad you came."

"Yeah," he said, grinning. "Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"Thanks," I said.

"It's really a great party," Lucas said, Leah nodding enthusiastically in agreement. "I have to admit, though, that I was a bit surprised to hear that you were getting married."

I flushed slightly, a small, nervous chuckle escaping my throat. "It was pretty sudden, I know. But...when it's right, it's right. Right?"

"Right," he said, offering me a small smile. "Where is your future husband, anyway? I still haven't met him, you know. I'm quite hurt."

I laughed, feeling myself tense up a bit; where was Ethan? "Oh, he's around here somewhere," I said, trying to sound casual.

"When you find him, let me know," he said, grabbing two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter. "I have a few words for him."

I grinned and rolled my eyes playfully, waving as he and Leah broke away into the crowd.

"Peyton," I hissed, breaking her away from her conversation with Jake, "I'm starting to get a bit nervous."

"Oh, I can tell," she said, her voice sharp. "I don't know _what_ he thinks he's playing at, but he better get here within the next ten seconds or I swear to God I'll kick him so hard in the "

"Hayley, darling," my father said with a wide, sparkling smile, interrupting Peyton's threat, "how are you enjoying the party? Isn't it just marvelous?"

"Yeah, Dad," I said, trying my best to smile. "You really went to a lot of trouble. Everything looks beautiful."

"Only the best for my Hayley," he said, planting a kiss atop my forehead. Beside him, Olivia stood in a hideous orange sundress (_Who wears a sundress in the middle of December?_ I thought to myself), her smile tight and forced. I ignored her, as I usually did, and focused instead on my father, who was so intent on making this night a brilliant success.

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled as he walked away, Olivia at his side, making small talk with random people in the crowd as he passed through.

I stood there, my eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of Ethan. Beside me, Peyton stood rigid, barely making eye contact with Jake as she spoke with him; she, too, was busy searching the crowd for my missing fiancé.

_What if he doesn't show up?_ I thought frantically to myself, feeling my stomach churn unpleasantly. _What if he's backed out? What if he's changed his mind? _

My heart began to beat faster, so fast and so loud I was sure the whole room could hear it. And then, suddenly, it stopped.

Directly in my eye line was Nathan, his hand lightly entwined with Natalie's.

He had not seen me; he was intercepted by my father, who shook his hand and spoke with him briefly. Then, just as I was about to dissolve into the crowd around me, our eyes met.

I had not expected him to come. I had not expected to see him there, his hair rumpled atop his head, his blue eyes shining brightly. I had not expected his hand to be so lightly, yet so noticeably, entwined with _hers,_ making my stomach lurch dangerously again.

He was coming towards me now, his steps quick and swift. He was wearing a half-smile as his feet carried him ever closer, closer, closer...

"Hayley!"

Ethan was suddenly in front of me, blocking Nathan from my vision. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, biting wind outside, his dark hair disheveled atop his head. He grabbed my hand, staring at me intently.

"I am so incredibly sorry," he said quickly, squeezing my hand for emphasis. "I had a ridiculously long exam today, and by the time I finished I couldn't get a taxi, the traffic was crazy, I ended up walking 10 blocks to get here. Hayley, I know I should've been here ages ago, and I am so, so sorry..."

"Ethan," I said, cutting him off, "it's okay. You're here now."

He smiled before placing his lips to mine, kissing me sweetly. As we broke apart, I could see Nathan a few feet away, hurriedly avoiding his gaze as I looked up. Ethan turned around, a dark look crossing his features.

"What is _he_ doing here?" he asked sharply, his eyes wide. "Hayley, please don't honestly tell me that you invited him here."

"I did," I replied. "I was invited to his engagement party. It was...it was the polite thing to do."

He stared at me, incredulous, but didn't say another word. Instead he nodded curtly, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist as Nathan and Natalie approached.

"Hi, Hayley," Natalie said as soon as she reached us, her smile bright. "Congratulations on your engagement!"

"Thank you, Natalie," I said, nodding slightly. "I'm glad you guys could come."

"Of course," she replied, smile still firmly in place. "Thank you so much for inviting us. The party is lovely, I must say."

"Thank you," I repeated, feeling incredibly awkward; Nathan was doing his best to avoid my eyes.

"Oh!" I said, realizing that I had yet to introduce Ethan. "This is my fiancé, Ethan Graham. Ethan, this is Natalie McCormack and Nathan Scott."

Ethan shook hands with both of them, a wide (but noticeably fake) smile spread across his lips. "It's really nice to meet you both," he said, somewhat unconvincingly.

"Great party," Nathan said distractedly to Ethan, who nodded in response. "Erm. Natalie, there's Jake and Peyton. We should go say hello."

Natalie nodded. "We'll see you soon!" she called over her shoulder, feeling my stomach churn once more as I watched them walk away.

* * *

**Nathan's P.O.V**

He felt as though he was in a nightmare, the kind you wouldn't ever wake up from.

He was surrounded by people, only a handful of whom he actually knew; the rest blurred together, colorless, a giant being of nothing. Natalie was excitedly making small talk with anyone and everyone she came into contact with, Nathan only reluctantly joining in on the conversations. As he looked around him, he couldn't understand why he had ever agreed to come to this party.

His small, terse conversation with Hayley had been disastrous. He had not known what to say to her, even as her bright green eyes stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something she wanted to hear. He could barely stand to look at Ethan, hot anger running through his veins as he slipped his arm so protectively around Hayley's waist. He didn't know what she saw in him, in all honesty. He seemed boring, and dull, and useless; he was everything Hayley did _not_ need in her life.

He could not understand the logic in his brain. He knew by coming to this party that he would see Hayley and her future husband together, smiling, sickeningly happy, and he also knew that seeing this would, figuratively speaking, destroy him. He didn't understand why he chose to put himself through the pain of seeing her with someone else.

But, he did it anyway. And, deep down, he knew _why_ he did it. He just wanted to be close to her.

"Hello, everyone," a deep, faintly recognizable voice said, silencing the crowd. Nathan looked for the source and found it in the center of the room; it was Ethan with a microphone in his hand, Hayley standing by his side.

"We just wanted to thank all of you for coming out tonight," Ethan said, a broad grin on his face. "It really means a lot to me and Hayley."

Nathan felt his stomach lurch as Ethan turned away from the crowd and faced Hayley, taking her hand in his.

"I just wanted to say," he began, his voice a bit sheepish, "that I love this woman more than anything in the entire world. She has made me the happiest man alive by agreeing to marry me. She is the most amazing person I've ever known." He bent down to kiss her, wrapping his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

The guests applauded as Ethan kissed Hayley, raising their glasses to the couple. Nathan could not look at them any longer as he realized, far too late, that it should have been him in the center of the room kissing Hayley.

_It should have been me,_ he thought bitterly to himself, downing his glass of champagne. _It should have been me._

**

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Please review and tell me what you think also thank you to the three people who review, it means a lot.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey all sorry about the semi long breakbetween chapters, I had hurt my shoulder during a rather funny game of netball and it has been out of use since then, I had only just finished this chapter one handed yesterday to my utter surprise with all the stuff i have been doing in the time between, so im sorry for the wait.**

**Flashbacks are in **_**Italic**_

**Nathan's P.O.V**

_"Oh...and this is ...er..." Rachel stammered, her face going slightly pink. like to be free! Free from the restrictions of underpants!"_

_"I'm Hayley James," the girl said as she extended her hand. "Peyton's cousin. And you are?"_

_He could not believe that she didn't recognize him. He stared at her, incredulous, until he realized he needed to speak. "I'm Nathan," he said, a smile coming to his lips. "Nathan Scott."_

_"Hi!" she said brightly, that smile once more gracing her lips. He could not quite look away from her._

_"We should probably go," Rachel barked, a nasty expression on her face. "The party will be starting shortly."_

_Hayley nodded as she and Peyton walked off into the crowd, Nathan watching as her long, brown hair danced behind her..._

_"Peyton, I've got the funniest thing to tell you!" Hayley exclaimed, her cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol. "Olivia's brother...you know, the one with the bad breath...d'you know what he asked me? He asked me what kind of underwear New York girls like to wear! Ha, ha!"_

_Nathan laughed, almost spitting out his champagne as she began to speak again. "So you know what I told him, right? I told him that we didn't wear any! We New Yorkcans __like to be free! Free from the restrictions of underpants!"_

_Nathan could not stop himself from laughing. "I suppose knickers are rather overrated," he interjected, grinning cheekily at her._

_"It's understandable," Nathan said to her as they sat beneath the stars, her hair falling into her face. "Sometimes you have to try several different things before you find something you truly love."_

_"But I don't want to do that," she said. "I just want to know what it is I love. I don't want to search for it."_

_He smiled. "You don't necessarily have to search. You'll just dabble in different things until one day, when you least expect it, you'll find it."_

_"But how will I know?" she asked, her eyes wide and shining._

_"You just do. It's one of those things. One day, it'll hit you, and you'll just know." His eyes locked with hers, and he could see the stars reflected in her shining eyes._

_"I'll remember that," she said softly..._

_And suddenly she was there, standing at his doorstep, sopping wet from the storm that raged violently outside. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy, and he knew then that she was crying. He took her by the hand and led her into the flat without a thought, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders as he sat beside her on the couch. His arms soon found their way around her shoulders and he held her, planting small kisses on her forehead. He did not ask questions; instead, he simply held her, offering her a few moments' comfort in his embrace..._

_"I thought you preferred warm, dry places!" he shouted at her, laughing as she ran towards him in the pouring rain. Her eyes were blazing as she raced towards him, a smile creeping onto her lips just as she pressed them against his own._

_He could not help but think as she kissed him, so passionately, so fervently, "I love her, I love her, I love her..."_

Nathan awoke with a start, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The sun had not yet come up; he could still see the stars dotted across the early morning sky. Beside him, Natalie slept soundly, her hair spread around her like wildfire. He stared at her for a moment, watching as she breathed in and out, in and out, in and out. He almost wished in that moment that the dream he had awoken from had been about her.

He slowly got out of bed, his eyes steady on Natalie as he quickly dressed and exited the room. He knew he would not sleep any longer. With vivid memories of Hayley dancing around his mind, he knew that sleep would continue to escape him. He sighed as he opened the door of his flat and stepped out into the deserted hallway, headed towards the lifts.

"Morning, Mr. Scott," the bellhop greeted Nathan as he entered the lift, looking extremely tired. Nathan nodded in his direction, saying, "First floor," before becoming absorbed in his own thoughts once more.

His wedding day was fast approaching. June seemed to be hovering above him, looming ever closer as each second of each minute passed. Hayley's, he knew, was even closer; April was less than three months away. He had received his invitation in the post just after New Year's, and Natalie had immediately sent back their RSVP that they would be attending. He did not think that he could sit in a church and watch her marry someone else, but he could not voice this to Natalie; instead, he simply smiled and inwardly dreaded when the day would finally be upon him.

He soon found his legs carrying him out of the lift and out of the building, and he was soon walking along the still dark streets of Tree Hill. He knew without really thinking about it that Hayley's building was less than seven blocks from where he currently was, and without truly realizing it his feet were carrying him towards it. He knew that he wanted to see her, even just for a moment; he wanted to see her with her hair wild and disheveled, her eyes half-opened, her smile lazy. He wanted to touch her, feel her creamy skin on his, and he wanted so badly to tell her everything he had been thinking, _feeling,_ since she had come back to North Carolina. And as his feet carried him ever closer to her, he thought that, finally, he would.

Fleetingly, he thought of Natalie, but her face was soon replaced with Hayley's in his mind. He never wanted to hurt her, but he could not keep living a lie. Nothing would ever be the way it was supposed to be unless he was with Hayley, and he was finally beginning to understand that. He kept remembering his dream, remembering the first time they met, the first time they had laughed together, the first time he had seen her cry, finally opening herself up to him. And, most vividly, he remembered the first time he had truly realized that he loved her.

He never should have let her walk away from him that last day at the summerhouse, never should have let her convince him of the distance between them. He should have fought, should have protested, should have made her see what he knew was possible for them. He knew, as her building loomed ahead of him, that it was useless to dwell on things he could no longer change. Instead, he was going to fix everything he should have fixed years ago; with determination settling upon him, he crossed the street and became ever closer to finally telling Hayley the truth.

He was nervous, but at the same time he was excited. This had the potential to be the greatest moment of his life, telling her everything he needed to say, taking her in his arms and kissing her like he'd never kissed anyone before. This was everything he'd ever wanted, ever needed, and it was so close, so within his reach. He smiled to himself as he pulled his coat closer around his body, absentmindedly noticing that it had began to snow.

Her building was directly in front of him now, and taking a deep breath he headed towards the wide glass doors. Everything was so close now, and a wide grin spread across his face as he imagined what his life would be like after he and Hayley were together again. His hand was nearly pushing open the door when a sudden noise stopped him; he turned around sharply, his stomach sinking as he saw two familiar figures approaching the very spot on which he stood.

Hurriedly, he ducked out of the way and hid on the side of the building, completely out of sight. His eyes stayed on Hayley as she approached the building, her hand entwined with Ethan's. She was laughing, her head thrown back, her hair cascading down her shoulders. She looked so beautiful in that moment, small snowflakes getting trapped in her hair.

"It's _so_ late," she said to Ethan, her speech somewhat slurred. "It's almost five. I think I might pass out right here on the doorstep."

"Let's get you back up to the flat," Ethan said, laughing. He put his arm around her shoulders and attempted to help her into the building, but she quickly shrugged him off.

"I can get into the building quite fine on my own, thank you," she said, still laughing.

"Are you sure about that?" he said to her in a mockingly stern tone. "I seem to recall _someone_ nearly falling down the Tube entrance a few blocks back."

She narrowed her eyes at him in an attempt to look serious, but she couldn't last for long; soon, another wide grin was spreading across her face. "Oh, shut up," she said. "That was a minor technicality. My heel got stuck in the crack of the sidewalk, didn't you see that? Anyway, it's beside the point, I'm perfectly capable of walking unescorted up to my flat."

"First of all, you're not wearing heels," Ethan pointed out, trying desperately not to laugh. "And second of all, I'm helping you get upstairs, so you might as well just accept it and stop fighting it."

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist," Hayley slurred, finally allowing Ethan's arm to slide around her shoulders. "Ha, ha. _Knickers._"

Nathan was sharply reminded of his dream once more, remembering the first time they had laughed together. His heart was slowly breaking, watching Hayley laugh with Ethan nearly the same way she had laughed with him all those years ago. Still, he could not tear his eyes away from her.

"I love you, you know," she said to Ethan suddenly, planting a sloppy kiss on his lips.

Ethan smiled, pulling her closer to him. "I love you, too," he said as the two of them vanished past the glass doors into the building.

Nathan's heart sank, his spirit destroyed; all of the hope and determination he had felt only minutes before had disappeared along with Hayley into the building. How utterly _stupid_ he had been! He couldn't believe how foolish he had been to actually think that Hayley would drop everything just to have him back in her life. She had her own life now, a life with Ethan; she had made her choice, and Nathan thought he had made his. Now there was nothing left to do but go back to his flat, to Natalie, and try to pick up the pieces.

As he turned his back on the building and began walking towards to his own, he realized that, now, there was nothing left for him to do but accept the fate he had sealed for himself.

**

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Hayley's P.O.V

"So, you wait until the absolute last minute to tell me you're getting married, I see," Brooke said dryly on the other end of the line, although a hint of amusement could be detected if you paid close enough attention. Which, admittedly, I did.

"It's not the absolute last minute," I argued, flipping through a bridal catalogue. "I've tried to call you dozens of times, I'll have you know. But with you being such a busy medical intern and all, I can understand how scarce your time is."

"Right, right," she said, half-laughing. "So it's my fault now."

"It is," I said, flipping another page of the magazine. "I'm glad you've accepted it."

She sighed, another chuckle escaping her throat. "All right, _anyway._ You're getting married to Ethan. In three months. That, frankly, sounds a bit insane to me."

I laughed. "It sounds a bit insane to me, in all honestly."

"Then why are you doing it?" she asked, a note of seriousness hidden behind her words.

I hesitated, but only for a moment. "Because I love Ethan, and I want to marry him."

"Obviously," she replied, dropping the subject.

"There's something I need to ask you, though," I said, a smile coming to my lips. "I was hoping you'll be able to get some time off, because I really, _really_ need you to come here and be one of my bridesmaids."

"And I thought you'd never ask," she said with a dramatic sigh. "Of course I'll be there, dumbass. As if I'd miss my best friend's wedding."

"You'll need to be here at least a week in advance," I said, slipping back into my constant panicked bridal state. "We've got a lot of last-minute planning to do, missy."

"I'll be there, don't worry," she said calmly. "I'll book the flight right now, if it'll make you feel better."

"It would," I said, sighing. "I'm just really, really overwhelmed with planning this wedding."

"Isn't Ethan helping you?" she asked.

"He's...well, he's really busy right now with school," I said hurriedly. "He doesn't have much time to spare, so a lot of the planning has fallen on me."

"More like all of it, from the sound of it," she remarked.

"I understand, though. Finishing his degree is really important," I said a bit defensively.

"So is your wedding," she pointed out. "But, hey, it's not my business, right?"

I remained silent, and she knew that was my answer.

"Anyway, I'll be there April twenty-first, okay? A full week before the wedding."

"Okay, great," I said, exhaling loudly in relief. "So now, from the back home, I've got you, my mom, and Alan coming for sure."

"When are they going to get married already?" she said, sighing exasperatedly.

"Who knows," I said distractedly. "My mother is a bit wary of marriage, and for good reason."

"I guess so," she said. "Anyway, like I said, the twenty-first. Got it?"

I laughed. "Got it. I'll see you then."

"Bye, Hayley."

"Bye, Brooke." I snapped my phone shut and began, once again, pacing my flat, making mental lists of everything I still needed to accomplish.

_**Pick out the final choice of bridesmaids dresses. Confirm the caterer. Send in the final flower choices. Dress fitting at 4:00...no, 5:00 later this afternoon. Find a flower girl, and a ring bearer. Get in touch with Ethan's parents about flight arrangements. Call Ethan's brother about his tuxedo fitting. Call...ugh...Olivia about her choice of dress (no canary yellow, salmon pink, or vomit green). And, maybe if there's time, find the rest of my sanity.** _

I sighed heavily, feeling my stress level continue to increase with each breath I took. My flat was in a complete state of disarray; lists, charts, and RSVPs were scattered all over tabletops and, in some cases, the floor. Bridal catalogues were the bulk of my reading material, and I felt as if my head was going to explode.

I hadn't had a moment to myself since before Christmas; my thoughts were constantly occupied with wedding plans and details, everything I did revolved around the wedding, and every conversation I held with people was wedding-oriented. The only night out I'd had in a _very_ long time had been the night previously; Ethan and I had gone to a few pubs and clubs around the city.

Sighing, I picked up the RSVP list off of the end table and began skimming through it for what seemed like the millionth time. Halfway through the list, my eyes stopped and lingered on _Mr. Nathan Scott and Ms. Natalie McCormack._ I still could not quite believe that they were actually going to come to my wedding. I didn't know for certain if I'd be able to bring myself to go to Nathan's.

_Stop it,_ I scolded myself. _You're getting married, he's getting married. Get over it._

Only, I couldn't. Despite everything that was going on, despite the fact that I was getting married in less than three months, I could not erase Nathan from my thoughts. He was always there, a constant, lingering presence, reminding me of everything I once had and everything I still wanted. I had almost convinced myself that I would have that kind of feeling with Ethan once we were married. Almost.

Sometimes, as I lay awake in bed at night, I would think about what life would be like if I called off the wedding and told Nathan exactly how I felt. Would it make any difference? Would he tell me what I wanted to hear, or would he break my heart? It was a risk I knew I'd never take, not after so much had already been done; still, I couldn't help but ponder the _what if._

"Oh _shit,_" I muttered as I bumped into the table, causing a new bottle of red wine to fall and break all over the floor. I watched as the burgundy liquid traveled along the length of the floor, and in that moment I was strikingly reminded of a moment I thought I had long ago forgotten.

_"I mean it," he said, waving his hands dismissively at my protests. "And it's not just your physical beauty either. Because yeah, you're gorgeous, but it's more of what I see when I look in your eyes. D'you know what I'm saying?"_

_I shook my head no, but inside I knew exactly what he was saying. It was the same thing I saw in his eyes, something comforting and real and absolutely indescribable._

_"The thing is," he continued, seemingly unbothered by what I had just done, "I've never met anyone quite like you before. You're so...hard to read, that's it. At first. But now...well, I can't say that you're an open book, but at least I've been able to scratch the surface a bit. I'm seeing you as you are, Hayley, and...well, suffice it to say that I think you're great. Plain and simple."_

_"I think you need to lay off the wine," I said jokingly, attempting to laugh his statements off. "You'd better stop talking before you say something really embarrassing."_

_He shook his head once more, reaching for his glass as he did so. "None of this is embarrassing," he said seriously, taking a long sip of the burgundy liquid. "I'm being honest. Truthful. Blunt, if you will."_

_"Are you going to remember any of this in the morning?" I asked him, laughing._

_He shrugged. "Dunno. I'm not exactly pissed yet, but...well, it's anyone's guess, I suppose."_

_"Maybe," I began, scooting closer to him on the sofa, "we should forget about words and emotions and just be. You know?"_

_He looked at me, his expression confused. "Just be," he repeated._

_"Together," I said, resting my head on his chest. "Enjoying each others' company without any worries."_

_After a moment he nodded, wrapping his arm around me. His eyes closed as moonlight from the open window splashed across his face, illuminating it in the darkness. He planted a small kiss on top of my head, his fingers slowly tracing patterns along my arm. I buried my head deeper into his chest, listening to his heart beating steadily, rhythmically, thump thump thump. I smiled as my eyes slowly closed, feeling my own heart beating against his, the only audible sound._

I shook my head as the memory replayed itself in my mind, my heart sinking a bit in my chest. It was moments like that I so often wished I could return to and fix, telling him how I felt instead of laughing everything off and remaining cold and distant. But that time had long since passed, and there were no more of those moments in my foreseeable future. Sighing, I grabbed a towel and began to clean up the spilled wine, wishing my memories were that simple to erase.

**

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**

Peyton's P.O.V

Peyton was well aware that her next move would be a risky one. She also knew that it was absolutely necessary to the future happiness of two of her dearest friends, and so with limited hesitation she began to dial the number she knew so well.

"Peyton, I thought I said we were meeting at 4:30 outside of the flat? Is there a problem?" Hayley said, sounding panicked. It was normal for her now.

"Hello to you, too," Peyton said. "And no, there's no problem at all. I was just calling you to tell you that you're going out tomorrow night. No arguments."

"But – " Hayley began, but Peyton was too quick for her.

"I said no arguments," she said firmly. "You need a break from this insanity you've been putting yourself through lately. And, I could use a break from work, and so could everyone else." She was very careful not to mention who everyone else consisted of.

"Peyton, that's great, but I'm too busy to go out right now," Hayley protested. "I still haven't found a flower girl..._or_ a ring bearer. Have I mentioned that?"

"About a dozen times," she replied. "You can worry about that later. In fact, I'll help you track them down. But tomorrow night you're going out with us, and we're going to have a smashing time."

There was a significant pause, until finally Hayley said, "Fine. But I can't stay out late. I do need _some_ sleep, you know."

"Fine," Peyton agreed, a smile beginning to form on her lips. "Well, now that that's settled...I'll see you at 4:30 for the dress fitting. Okay?"

"Okay," Hayley said, "see you at 4:30."

Before Peyton had a chance to reply, Hayley had already hung up. Her life had been so stressful recently, and Peyton knew exactly why she had chosen to take on the majority of the wedding planning; she wanted to distract herself from what she was truly thinking and feeling. She was trying to separate herself from her feelings, but Peyton knew that, eventually, it would backfire on her. She only hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

That was precisely why she had taken it upon herself to arrange the night out. She had invited everyone, including Nathan, but had been very clear that he was to come alone. She wanted the two of them to interact together without their respective significant others present. She knew, somehow, that sparks would fly.

Peyton didn't pride herself in meddling in other peoples' business, but she knew that desperate times called for desperate measures. Hayley and Nathan were about to make the biggest mistakes of their lives, and she would be damned if she just sat back and watched it happen.

She sat back in her chair, smiling, excitedly anticipating what the following night would bring.

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**Please review and tell me what you think..**

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	13. Chapter 13

**Hey all.. Hope you like this chapter.. There is also a little something for you down the bottom.. Enjoy **

**Nathan's P.O.V**

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"Nathan, I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm only trying to explain to you that we were _supposed_ to have dinner with my parents tonight. You made this commitment weeks ago." Natalie folded her arms across her chest, her expression stern; Nathan inwardly groaned, suddenly having a strong urge to pull each and every strand of his hair out.

"Natalie," Nathan began, careful to keep his voice light, "you made the plans for us to go out with your parents tonight. To be fair, you didn't consult with me beforehand, nor did you tell me about the dinner until last night. I've already made other plans. I'm sorry."

"You've got to start figuring out your priorities," she snapped, a bit of pink rising in her cheeks. "I am going to be your _wife,_ Nathan. That tends to rank a bit higher than going out and getting drunk with your mates."

"I'm not going to have this argument with you," Nathan said, feeling his patience rapidly slipping away from him. "Lucas and Jake want to go out tonight, and I'm going. I haven't had a proper night out with them in months. In case it's slipped your mind, I've been too busy planning our wedding."

"You say that like it's a _chore_ or something," she retorted. "And, honestly, I've been the one doing most of the work. You've barely given your opinion on anything."

"That's because when I give it, you completely disregard it," he said, his voice rising steadily.

She remained silent for a moment, seemingly at a loss for words. Nathan sighed loudly, shaking his head; this seemed to fuel her anger even further.

"Your heart isn't in this as much as mine is," she said finally, her voice quiet. "_That_ much is obvious from your behavior right now."

"How can you even say that?" he said, his eyes going wide. "Natalie, I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. That's why I've let you take over so much of the planning. The details don't matter much to me. All I want is for _you_ to be happy. Can't you see that?"

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes shining; finally she said, "I just wanted to do this together."

Nathan looked at her, wondering how a discussion about dinner plans had turned into _this._ He inwardly groaned as a barely audible sigh escaped his lips.

"I'm sorry," he said at last, even though he didn't feel sorry in the least. "I'll be more involved in the planning from now on. I promise."

Natalie nodded, sniffling. "So you're still going out tonight, then?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation.

Again, she simply nodded, turning her back on him as she walked into the bedroom. "Fine. Don't expect me to wait up." The loud slam of the door was his indication that the conversation was over.

Sighing, he shoved his hands deep in his pockets, traipsing around his flat idly. In all honesty, he wasn't much looking forward to the night that stretched endlessly ahead of him; in fact, he hadn't been looking forward to anything at all. All he truly wanted to do was sleep, and that had been escaping him exceedingly since his disastrous attempt at telling Hayley how he truly felt about her. He clenched his fists, shaking his head; he had successfully avoided thinking of her in the days that had passed, and he wasn't about to start now.

Without checking the time, Nathan grabbed his keys and exited the flat, letting the door slam behind him. He was angry, and he couldn't quite figure out why; his row with Natalie had irritated him, but he knew that wasn't the only thing bothering him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew _exactly_ what was bothering him, but once again, he chose to block those thoughts from his mind. Tonight wasn't going to be about regrets, he decided; tonight was going to be about forgetting.

"Good evening, Mr. Scott," the receptionist greeted him from behind her large, wooden desk, somewhat interrupting his train of thought.

"Evening," he replied, offering her a half-smile. "Could you please send David 'round to the front? Thank you."

"Of course, Mr. Scott." She smiled at him as she picked up the phone, muttering a few words into it; within a minute, his driver was stationed at the front of the building, waiting for him.

"Have a good night," Nathan said to the receptionist before exiting the building, spotting his stylish black BMW almost as soon as he stepped outside. David, his driver, was standing beside the car, nodding his head towards him as he approached.

"Evening, sir," David said, opening the back door.

"Evening, David," Nathan said as he climbed into the car. "You know where to go."

"Yes, sir," David replied as he started the engine, expertly pulling out into traffic.

Before long the car was pulling up in front of a very trendy new club. Soon he found himself inside of the club, knowing full well that he was over an hour early to meet Jake and Lucas; pushing past the crowds of people, he finally spotted the bar. He made a beeline for it, wanting nothing more than to drink his worries away; thoughts of a large scotch on the rocks were already dancing around in his mind.

And then it happened. In the moments that followed, he often thought if he had not tripped over that discarded martini glass, he may never have seen her that night and everything would have turned out differently.

But he had tripped, and he now found himself facedown on the ground, his eyes starting at a pair of dangerous-looking black heels.

"Nathan?"

The voice was striking, clear and familiar, despite the noise that surrounded him. He looked up. Her mouth was hanging open, looking as surprised as he felt. Still, she bent down, her face nearly level with his; soon, a large grin was spread across her face as she extended her hand to him. He took it and she pulled him up, feeling his face heat in embarrassment.

"What happened to you?" Hayley asked, her smile still spread across her lips.

"I tripped," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I was a bit overexcited to get to the bar."

She raised her eyebrows at him, but said nothing. Instead, she looked around, seemingly at a loss for words. His stomach was clenching unpleasantly, his mind reeling; what was she doing here?

"Funny we should end up in the same club tonight," Nathan said at last, his hands once again buried in his pockets.

"Yeah, I guess so," Hayley replied, biting her lip. "I'm just here with Peyton and Rachel."

"Oh," he said, spotting Peyton's bright blonde hair a few feet away from them. "I'm meeting Jake and Lucas... and... actually, I thought Peyton and Rachel were supposed to come as well..."

Hayley's face darkened, her eyes narrowing as she glanced behind her towards Peyton. "Isn't that just a funny coincidence," she said quietly, shaking her head.

Nathan didn't know what to say, so he opted to say nothing at all. Instead, he simply looked at her, taking every inch of her in. She looked so tired, her hair pulled back from her face, but beneath it all he knew she was still there.

"Why don't you come and sit with us?" she said suddenly, pulling him away from his thoughts.

"Yeah," he said without really thinking about it; she smiled and he followed her blindly through the crowd until they reached Peyton and Rachel. As soon as he made himself visible, a large grin spread across Peyton's face.

"Hello, Nathan," she said brightly, her eyes sparkling. "You seem to be a bit early."

"Yeah," he said, sitting down across from her. "I didn't really pay attention to the time."

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Hayley shoot Peyton a death glare; choosing to ignore this, he refocused his attention back on the table.

"I haven't seen you in ages," Rachel scolded him, pouting slightly. "I thought you'd almost certainly fallen off the face of the planet."

He grinned, shaking his head. "Unfortunately, no. I've just been ridiculously busy with wedding plans." He glanced at Hayley quickly, who had just downed a double shot of a very dark liquid. She kept her eyes averted from his, and he felt a small pang in his stomach.

"You and Hayley are going to end up killing yourselves over these weddings," Rachel said, taking a sip of her martini. "Personally, I think that's what wedding planners are for. They do the work so you don't have to."

"Natalie wanted to be very involved in the planning," Nathan said. "She wants her dream wedding. I think it must be the same for every woman, though."

Beside him, Hayley scoffed. "Hardly. I would have gladly shelled out thousands of pounds for someone else to do this work for me, but Ethan will have none of it."

Nathan stared at her for a moment before speaking. "Then why are you doing it?"

She simply looked at him, her expression blank; across from him, Rachel shifted uncomfortably. "Because I love him, and I want to make him happy." Her eyes were burning with intensity, and he soon found that he couldn't bear to look into them any longer.

Hearing her tell him that she loved Ethan was almost like a dagger going straight through his heart. He looked down at his hands, his mind reeling; he almost wished that he had never seen her.

_Damn that martini glass,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

* * *

"I think you need another drink," Hayley said to Nathan, her eyes bright; in the hours that had passed, he had found that he could not tear himself away from her. Her sudden energy was infectious, her laughter contagious; he saw her turning more and more into the girl he so terribly missed as each minute passed.

"I think you may be right," he said, laughing. "Maybe another scotch."

"You've been drinking scotch all night," she said, shaking her head. "Change it up a little. For instance, I started off with my usual rum and Coke. I moved on to Screwdrivers, then martinis, and now I'm enjoying a lovely Cosmopolitan. You should do the same, I think."

He shrugged, watching as she turned away from him to order another drink at the bar. A few moments later she returned with two highball glasses filled with orange liquid, a grin spread wide across her face.

"Here," she said, handing one of the glasses to him.

"What is it?" he asked before taking a sip.

"Sex on the Beach," she said matter-of-factly, taking a generous drink out of her glass.

His cheeks tinged pink as the words left her lips; at that moment, all he could picture was sex on the beach with _her._ Shaking his head, he said, "Because _that_ doesn't sound girly or anything."

"It's not," she said, taking his hand and coaxing the glass up to his lips. "Try it. It'll change your life."

Reluctantly, he took a sip of the drink and found it to be surprisingly refreshing. "All right. You win." He grinned at her, noticing that a small strand of hair had fallen into her face.

"I always do," she said, sitting beside him on one of the club's many plush couches. "But, aside from my awesomeness, I would truly like to know how you've been, Nathan. It's kind of sad how we only talk at social functions we're forced to go to."

"Well," he said, taking another sip of his drink, "I can either tell you the honest truth of how I've been, or I can lie to you so you don't have to hear about my trials and tribulations."

"I want to hear the truth," she said seriously, her eyes starting straight into his. He knew just by looking at her that she was being sincere, and it wasn't just the liquor talking; neither one of them were drunk.

"Well, then, I've been lousy," he said, downing the last of his drink. "This wedding is creeping up on me faster and faster, and in all honesty I'm just not ready for it. Natalie's pressuring me into doing more, more, more, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do."

Hayley stared at him for a moment, her expression unreadable. "I think we may be the same person in different bodies," she said, a small chuckle escaping her lips, "because I feel the exact same way."

"Really?" he said, his heart beating a bit faster.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "All of this is just overwhelming. You know, I never thought I'd even get married. And now I'm running around like a madwoman trying to plan the perfect wedding. It just...it doesn't seem to fit."

"Things change, though, I suppose," he said, shrugging.

"Not all things," she said, looking at him intently. "Some things _never_ change."

A silence fell between them, both of them realizing the meaning behind her words. He looked at her, his eyes falling straight to her lips. He was so close to her, but not close enough; and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to close the space between them.

"No way!" Hayley exclaimed suddenly as a classic rock song began to blare throughout the room. "I thought they only played shitty music in here!"

"Apparently, Thursday nights are rock-themed," he said, grinning.

"I can't believe this...I haven't heard this song in years," she said, suddenly standing up from the couch. "This is Bad Company. You've got to dance to this."

"How are you supposed to dance to rock music?" he asked as he stood up with her, following her into the center of the room.

"You just move," she said over her shoulder. "Especially to this song. It's easy."

And suddenly, Nathan began to realize how easy it really was.

"I feel like makin' love!" Hayley belted out, her hips swaying; Nathan stared at her in disbelief, watching as she moved out onto the dance floor. "Feel like makin' love! Feel like makin' love to yooooouuuu!"

He stood back, unable to control his laughter; she looked ridiculous, but he didn't care. Her inhibitions were gone, the one thing that always seemed to hold her back; now she seemed free, happy, her eyes absolutely dazzling.

"Come on!" she shouted to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him out onto the dance floor with her. "You can't expect me to dance alone!"

Soon she was moving against him playfully, knowing that she looked like a complete fool, but he found that he was having the time of his life with her. He could not help but notice, however, that the lyrics seemed oddly fitting for his mood.

_"Feel like makin' love to you..."_

She moved once more, her head thrown back in laughter. His arms were around her, his heart soaring; this was the closest he'd been to her in years. He felt like he was the same eighteen-year-old boy he had been all those years ago, lovesick and delirious; she was absolutely intoxicating.

From a distance, unbeknownst to the two of them, Peyton stood watching with a smirk on her face. Everything was going _exactly_ the way she thought it would. She turned and left them alone on the dance floor, her smile never quite leaving her lips.

**

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Hayley's P.O.V

"I could've easily gotten a ride home with Peyton," I said to Nathan for what seemed like the millionth time after we'd gotten into his car. "You didn't have to trouble yourself by taking me home."

"Hayley, it's not a big deal," he said from beside me in the backseat. "Really."

"Well, thanks," I said, smiling. It felt as though a swarm of butterflies had invaded my stomach, fluttering relentlessly; my hands were shaking from nerves, although I knew I had no reason to be nervous at all.

The night had certainly been an interesting one. Peyton had very obviously tricked me into spending time with Nathan, but at the moment I didn't quite care; it had been the most fun I'd had in months. Things somehow felt different between us now, as though we had closed an ever-widening gap for good. I felt warm all over, and I knew it wasn't only the alcohol that was to blame.

"So," he said as the driver made a right turn, "did you have a good time tonight?"

"I really did," I said without hesitation. "I really needed it, too. I just felt like I needed a break from everything, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," he said quietly, his hand inching closer towards mine on the seat.

"That's why I'm so glad Ethan's staying at his flat tonight," I said without thinking, immediately wondering why I'd said it at all. "I mean...like I said, I just need a break."

He nodded, his eyes staring into mine intently; I suddenly felt like I had all those years ago, getting lost in the never-ending depths of his beautiful eyes. He seemed to be telling me something with those eyes, something I couldn't, or wouldn't, understand. Instead I looked away, determined not to let myself fall once again.

Before long, the car had slowed to a stop outside of my tall, looming building. "Thank you, David," I said to the driver as I exited the car.

"Hold on a moment, Hayley," Nathan said to me, his body halfway out of the car. I waited as Nathan stuck his head back into the car, overhearing his conversation with the driver.

"Take the rest of the night off, David," he said. "I'm going to stay with Natalie tonight."

"Goodnight, Mr. Scott," he said as Nathan closed the door, and I watched as the car drove away into the night.

"Let me walk you upstairs," he said, turning to me. "I might as well, right?"

I smiled. "You really don't have to," I said, although a very large part of me _did_ want him to. "I think I'll make it upstairs just fine on my own."

"I'm sure you would," he said as he opened the tall glass doors that led into the building. "But, for my own peace of mind, let me walk you."

"All right," I said as we headed towards the elevators, the bellhop surprisingly absent. For some reason, I was extremely grateful for this. We stood in the elevator in silence, nothing but tension settling itself between us.

I expected Nathan and I to part ways after we'd gotten off the elevator, me going one way and he going the other towards Natalie's flat. Instead, he followed me down the hallway to my door, looking at me a bit expectantly as I rummaged through my purse for my keys.

"Well," I said at last, offering him a smile, "I had a really great time tonight, Nathan. Thank you."

"So did I," he said softly. "I've really..." He trailed off, his eyes burning with something I couldn't quite decipher; and soon, without truly thinking about it, I knew what he was going to do. And, for once, I wasn't going to try to stop him.

Seemingly having made up his mind, his hands cupped my face and he brought his lips crashing against mine, hard and passionate. The keys I had been holding dropped to the floor along with my purse, forgotten; my hands soon found their way into his hair, and it felt so familiar yet so completely _new._ I couldn't stop kissing him, even as my mind screamed at me to push him away, slap him, _anything_ to get him away from me. But I knew as his hands moved lower down my body that I wouldn't be stopping him anytime soon.

Everything was so wrong that it felt completely right. My hands tugged at his shirt hem, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. I pressed myself against him, wanting nothing more than to be close to him; in that moment, I realized that I had been waiting for this for four very long years.

"Let's go inside," I said suddenly as we broke apart, our cheeks flushed and our lips swollen. He simply nodded, not saying a word as he picked up the keys and my purse. Soon the door was open and we were inside, mindful to lock it behind us once again. Without a moment's hesitation, his lips were against mine as we stumbled into the living room, unsure of where, exactly, this was taking us.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was tugging at his shirt; within seconds, it was off. My hands found their way to his belt buckle, but I hesitated; he seemed to notice this and stopped kissing me long enough to look into my eyes, searching them for an answer. I simply nodded, and a small hint of a devilish grin spread across his lips. His hands wrapped around the fabric of my shirt, and in one swift movement he had torn it in two; gasping, I reached for his belt and undid the clasp, watching as his pants fell to the floor.

His hands were everywhere, his mouth trailing kisses down my chest; his breath was hot against my skin. Before long I found myself being thrown against the wall, his kisses hard and aggressive, but for once I didn't mind. I wanted this more than I had ever wanted anything.

We didn't speak, but his eyes, burning and intense, told me everything I needed to know. I closed my eyes and bit my lip as he pulled me up, our bodies connecting, finally closing the space between us.

* * *

"What should we do?"

I directed this question at Nathan the following morning as we sat on my bed, nothing but sheets separating us. My mind was spinning; the events that had transpired the following night still seemed too insane to be true. I could not quite believe that I had jeopardized everything for a one-night stand with an ex-boyfriend.

Only, I could believe it. And, if I was being truly honest with myself, I didn't want it to end up being a one-night stand at all. I wanted it to be something that went on forever.

Beside me, Nathan sighed. I glanced at him quickly, noticing how disheveled his hair looked; feeling my face heat up, I looked away.

"I don't know," he said at last; his voice sounded like an odd mixture of sadness and euphoria. "I really don't."

This had not been the answer I was looking for. I wanted him to tell me that last night hadn't been a mistake, that he wanted to end things with Natalie and be with me. But I knew that expecting this answer was as foolish as actually believing things could turn out that way.

"Neither do I," I said, deciding to keep my thoughts to myself. I didn't want to put myself out there only to be shot down once again.

"You're getting married," he said suddenly, and I looked up at him sharply. "And so am I."

"People who are engaged to be married don't usually sleep with other people," I said, my eyes level with his.

"How am I going to tell Natalie this?" he said, placing his head in his hands. His words stung; how could he be thinking of telling her about something neither of us fully understood?

"I suppose you'll have to figure that out on your own," I said, my voice harsh. Careful to avoid his gaze, I dressed quickly and exited the room, feeling hot tears spring to my eyes. This was not going to end the way I wanted it to, and I thought that perhaps I'd always known that.

"Hayley," Nathan said suddenly. I looked up to see him fully dressed, his hair still unkempt.

"What?" I replied, sounding like a petulant child.

"I don't...I can't..." His eyes were shining, but I could not look away. "We were drunk last night, Hayley. Right? It was..."

"A drunken mistake," I finished, although I knew full well that I hadn't been drunk. I had chosen to sleep with Nathan, and I knew that if I could go back and do it differently, I wouldn't.

"We've both got our own lives now," he said, although the look in his eyes said something much different. "We're both getting married to different people. This..."

"It ended a long time ago, right," I said, dropping his gaze.

There was so much more I wanted to say to him, and I knew there was more he wanted to say to me. But we were both afraid, now, of being left behind. Our situation was uncertain, unstable; neither of us could bring ourselves to ruin the happiness of the people waiting for us. It was heartbreaking to know that the love of my life was about to walk out of the door, leaving me behind forever, but I knew, and understood, why he would. We were in love with each other, but we could not walk out on what we had already established for ourselves.

It seemed as though our fates had been sealed long ago. As I sat there, tears threatening to spill over any second, I knew that we had always been destined for this disaster, this excruciating heartbreak.

Nathan finally turned and walked away, and I half-expected him to come back and tell me everything that I so desperately needed to hear. But he kept going, never once looking back.

The slamming of the door made me realize that the end of us had finally come.

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**Hey all sorry if Nathan doesn't sound like Nathan with all the blushing and tripping over, this was the only way I could think of to write this chapter.. Well I thought it when pretty well.. Review and please tell me what you think thanks..**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey all, hope you like, also thanks for the reviews it's wonderful to know what you think.****3 months later**

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**Nathan's P.O.V**

The forecast had predicted thunderstorms, but as far as Nathan could see, there were nothing but clear skies stretching endlessly ahead of him. The sun was shining brightly, the weather unseasonably warm for mid-April; burying his hands deep within the pockets of his dress pants, Nathan finally turned towards Natalie and followed her into the church.

The church was nearly filled to the brim, overflowing with some vaguely recognizable faces and many he'd never seen before in his life. As Natalie led him towards an empty pew in the middle of the church, he still could not quite believe that he was actually there. In a few moments, Hayley would be walking down the aisle in her white gown, Ethan waiting for her with a ridiculously happy grin spread across his face. His stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought.

Nearly three months had passed since his night with Hayley, and he'd spent almost every minute of every day since replaying it over and over in his mind. He could not quite forget the look on her face after it was over; her eyes burned so fiercely he could not look away. But, eventually, he had looked away, and he had realized the mistake he'd made. He loved Hayley, and this he knew, and understood, well, but he could not bring himself to ruin everything he'd promised to Natalie.

He wanted to believe that he had made the right choice by leaving Hayley that morning, her eyes shining with tears he knew she wouldn't dare shed, but it was becoming harder to convince himself that he had truly done the right thing. He had denied himself, and Hayley, the happiness he was so desperately trying to preserve for Natalie. But he knew that second-guessing himself was futile; he was at her wedding, and a change of heart would certainly be too late now.

He had made his choice, and he knew he would not change his mind. Beside him, Natalie smiled and squeezed his hand, her eyes bright.

"This is a beautiful wedding," she said quietly. "Hayley really did a fantastic job with the arrangements."

"Yeah," Nathan agreed, doing his best to smile. "She really did."

His eyes shifted from Natalie's still-smiling face towards the front of the church, his attention falling upon the spot where Ethan would eventually stand, waiting for Hayley to meet him there. He had not told anyone what had happened between himself and Hayley, and he never intended to; it was something he planned to keep buried for the rest of his life. He expected it to be a memory that he would revisit during the hazy moments he spent between sleep and consciousness, but he knew it would never be anything more than that.

But, as he sat there, dreading what was about to happen, he could not quite forget the feeling of her lips pressed against his, her breath warm against his skin.

"Hey, mate."

Nathan jumped slightly at the interruption, his eyes hastily traveling to the face of a half-grinning Jake. Trying his best to sound calm and relaxed, he replied, "Hey, how're you?"

"Great," he said, ushering himself into the pew, followed by Lucas and Leah. "Thought we were going to be late. Traffic was absolute murder."

"Yeah," Lucas agreed, nodding. "Hayley would've had us killed if we'd missed her wedding."

"You're probably right," Nathan agreed, feeling Natalie once again squeeze his hand. "That's why we arrived bright and early."

"Have you seen Peyton yet?" Lucas asked Jake.

He shook his head. "Not yet, no. She was at Hayley's father's house all morning getting ready."

"Ah, naturally," Lucas replied, a knowing smile spread across his lips.

Suddenly, a soft, melodic reached the ears of the guests, signaling the beginning of the ceremony. Nathan's eyes first strayed to the altar; Ethan was there, his best man at his side. Hurriedly, he looked away, choosing instead to focus his attention on the back of the church. Any moment now, the bridesmaids and groomsmen would begin their trek down the aisle, and then, he knew, _she_ would follow.

He shifted nervously in his seat, feeling his stomach churn unpleasantly. Natalie grinned at him excitedly; she was completely oblivious to his discomfort, which both relieved and angered him. And then, before he knew it, it had begun.

A little boy and girl Nathan did not recognize made their way down the aisle, the girl scattering rose petals along the way. Everyone was smiling at them, but Nathan could do nothing but stare ahead blankly, feeling as though he was going to be sick. Just as the two children nearly reached the altar, Rachel came into full view wearing a pale green dress, escorted by one of Ethan's groomsmen. She was smiling brightly, her eyes catching Nathan's as she walked by; she looked almost sad as her eyes briefly fell over his face.

His eyes soon fell upon Brooke and another one of Ethan's groomsmen, her hair quite a bit shorter than it had been the last time he'd seen her. She, like Brooke, was smiling, but something in her face made it look insincere. Her eyes momentarily met his, but she quickly refocused her attention on the rest of the congregation; he shifted his gaze once again to the back of the church, feeling unsettled.

Peyton soon followed Brooke, looking quite beautiful as she walked unescorted down the aisle. Beside him, Jake muttered, "She looks _smashing_."

Unlike Rachel and Brooke, Peyton did not allow her eyes to wander in his direction. She kept her head held high and her gaze fixated on the altar, smiling all the while. He suspected he knew why she did not dare look at him; it was possible that Hayley had told her about the night they had shared together.

Finally, Peyton reached her place at the altar; the music stopped, a sense of anticipation settling over those gathered in the church. Nathan's heart began beating faster and faster, his palms sweating, his stomach clenching; it was only a matter of seconds now.

Moments later, the wedding march began to play and the doors opened. Nathan inhaled sharply as his eyes fell upon Hayley, dressed in an elegant white gown, her arm linked with her father's. He found himself tightening his grip on Natalie's hand, wanting desperately to look away from Hayley but knowing that he couldn't. And so he sat there, about to witness the love of his life marry someone else, his heart breaking all over again.

**

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**

Hayley's P.O.V

"How can you oversleep on your own wedding day?" Brooke asked me as we sped down several streets towards my father's house, my hair still a ridiculous, frizzy mess.

"I don't know," I said irritably, feeling panicky. "What I _do_ know is that I have less than five hours until I'm supposed to be at the church, and I still have to tame this beast I call a head of hair. That alone will take three hours, at least."

"Okay, okay," Brooke said, her voice calm and steady. "Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. You'll be at the church on time, don't worry."

"How am I not supposed to worry?" I said as my father's house finally came into view.

"You have three bridesmaids," she said as we parked. "We do your worrying for you."

"Right," I said as we hurried up the steps of the building, our arms loaded with the bulk of my wedding dress.

"Hayley!" Peyton said as she opened the door, already looking perfect; her hair was pulled back away from her face in an elegant knot. "I expected you here over an hour ago!"

"You act like I'm not already completely aware of this," I said as I pushed past her into the sitting room, noticing the hair and makeup stylists working on Rachel. "I overslept. I set three alarms, but apparently God has it out for me today or something."

Peyton sighed, but I paid her no mind; I deposited my dress onto one of my father's sofas and collapsed into a nearby chair, already exhausted. "To top everything off," I said, closing my eyes, "my mother's flight was delayed. She was supposed to be here last night, but now she doesn't know _when_ she'll get here. Needless to say, she probably won't be attending her youngest child's wedding."

"I'm sure she'll get here in time," Rachel said, her mouth barely moving; the makeup artist was busy applying some kind of gloss to her lips.

"She will," Brooke agreed, nodding vigorously. "I know your mom. She wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Well, it's a bit beyond her control at this point," I said, sighing heavily.

"Stop worrying!" Brooke scolded, getting approving nods from both Peyton and Rachel. "You should be enjoying today, not stressing out over it."

"I agree," said Peyton as she sat down across from me in another armchair. "You should enjoy this. It's meant to be the happiest day of your life. Right?"

I hesitated a moment, piercing blue eyes momentarily flashing through my mind. "Yeah. You're right," I said, trying my best to smile.

"Of course I am," Peyton replied, grinning.

I looked away from her, deciding it was better to keep the thoughts that had been replaying themselves over and over again in my mind to myself. I had not told anyone what had happened between Nathan and I, and I certainly never intended to change that. A part of me knew that Ethan deserved to know, that entering a marriage with a secret already buried beneath us was surely the wrong thing to do; still, every time I looked into his deep brown eyes, I could not bring myself to tell him.

I had not received any threats on my life since that night, so I was fairly certain that Nathan had not told Natalie, either. As the makeup artist began to work on my face, I thought that maybe things were better that way. Maybe some things were just better left unsaid.

* * *

"Hayley."

I turned around, my eyes going wide as they landed upon her. Her eyes were shining, a large grin spreading across her face; without another moment's hesitation, I was crossing the room, my arms wrapping tightly around her.

"Mom," I said, my eyes closing as I breathed in her perfume; she smelled of vanilla and a slight hint of cinnamon, just as she always had.

"You look absolutely beautiful," she said as she released me, holding me at arm's length.

I smiled, adjusting the bodice of my dress slightly. "I thought you weren't going to make it," I said. "I thought the plane had been delayed too long, and you weren't going to be here in time."

"Hayley, I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world," she said, a large smile spreading across her lips. "You know that."

I nodded, smiling. "Where's Alan?"

"He's already out there," she said. "There are only a few minutes before the ceremony's set to begin, so I just wanted to pop back here and see you before anyone else had. But, as I said, it's about to begin...so I should probably get out there."

She hugged me again, her grip a bit tighter than it had been before. "I love you, honey," she whispered, tears in her eyes as she exited the small room.

I stood there, a happiness I hadn't felt in quite some time settling over me; I had missed my mother while I had been away. But her words had caused a panic to creep its way over me; _the ceremony's about to begin..._

Everything felt wrong, so _wrong._ I wanted to run from the church, rip off my wedding gown and never look back. I didn't want the life that seemed to be waiting for me. I wanted to run from it, hide from it, somehow escape it. Hot tears sprung to my eyes, and I felt myself losing my breath; I had to run.

I turned and came face-to-face with Peyton, her eyebrows slightly raised. She searched my eyes for a moment, seeing the tears shining within them, and sighed quietly.

"What's going on?" she asked, setting down my bouquet of flowers.

"Nothing," I said quickly, attempting to smile. "I'm fine."

"You look like you were crying," she said, a hint of worry in her tone.

"I wasn't," I said, shaking my head. "I swear. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Pre-wedding jitters," she said, nodding. "Apparently everybody gets them."

"Right," I said, taking a deep breath. All I could keep telling myself was to remember to breathe.

_Remember to breathe, and everything will be okay._

"You know," Peyton said as she stepped closer to me, fixing a loose curl of my hair, "I'm really surprised that this is happening."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said defensively, taking a step away from her.

"I don't mean it in a cruel way," she said calmly. "I'm just being honest. I just...I don't know. I guess I just thought that you'd think that this wasn't right for you or something. You've truly surprised me."

"I want to get married," I said, but it was only half-true. "Shocking, I know."

She laughed, fixing my veil. "You really do look beautiful, Hayley. Ethan's a lucky bloke to have you as a wife."

"Oh, god. Stop it before you say something _really_ embarrassing." We laughed together, momentarily taking my mind off of everything that was about to happen.

"Hayley!" Brooke said excitedly as she burst into the room, quickly followed by Rachel. "You've got five minutes exactly. How nervous are you right now?"

"Incredibly," I said, taking another deep breath.

"Once you get up there, you'll be fine," Rachel said reassuringly, her smile bright. "Trust me."

"You're acting as though you've done this before," I said, a small smile on my face.

"You'll be fine, Hayley," Brooke said, her voice full of confidence.

"Everything will work out the way it's supposed to," Peyton said. I wondered what exactly she meant, but just as I was about to ask, my father stepped into the room.

"Ladies," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "you all look lovely. I've been asked to tell you to please take your places, as the ceremony is about to begin."

Peyton, Brooke and Rachel smiled at me as they walked out of the room to join Ethan's groomsmen. My eyes soon fell upon my father, looking happier than I'd ever seen him.

"Hayley," he said, and I noticed that his eyes were shining. "I have never seen anyone look as beautiful as you do right now."

"Dad," I said, grinning embarrassedly.

"Let me compliment my daughter on her wedding day," he said, pulling me into a hug. "It's not every day a father gets to watch his only daughter get married."

All I could do was smile; I could not tell him how excited I was, how happy I was, how perfect the wedding was. I wanted to tell him exactly how I felt, about how scared and unsure I was, but I knew I couldn't. He was too happy. And so was everyone else.

I heard the music begin to play, and I knew that Rachel was just beginning to take her first steps down the aisle. Brooke would follow, then Peyton, and then me. There were only minutes separating now and the time when I would become Mrs. Ethan Graham. My stomach churned unpleasantly; I felt as though I was going to be sick.

_Breathe, Hayley. Remember to breathe._

I felt the doors open before me, and my eyes fell upon the crowd of people that had gathered to witness my wedding. Everyone seemed to blend together, the outline blurry; I felt my head spinning, but I knew I would not fall. My father's arm was protectively wrapped around mine, keeping me up and pushing me forward.

"It's time, Hayley," my father whispered to me as the soft music stopped and the wedding march began. My legs felt like jelly, but somehow I managed to take my first steps into the aisle, watching as everyone stood and turned to look at me.

All I could think about as I walked down the aisle was my body pressed up against Nathan's, our fingers interlacing, our lips touching. I could still feel his breath on my skin, warm and hurried. His eyes were flashing through my mind, deep, penetrating, so brilliantly blue. Those were the eyes I wanted to stare into for the rest of my life.

_Remember to breathe. Remember to breathe._

I took another deep breath, my smile still firmly plastered onto my face. I wouldn't let the guests know how uncertain I was about what was about to happen. I allowed myself to look towards the altar, seeing Ethan standing there, grinning; I had to look away.

And then, I saw him. He was seated with Lucas and Jake, Natalie clutching his hand. His eyes met mine briefly, and in that moment I knew what we were both thinking. Neither of us wanted to be in that church, but things beyond our control had put us there. I broke the gaze first, determined not to be rejected again; staring straight ahead, I smiled wider as I found myself getting closer and closer to Ethan.

Before I knew it had happened, I found myself facing Ethan, our hands entwined. The priest had begun to speak, and I noticed that Ethan's hands were shaking. I looked up at him, but he merely smiled; Peyton must have been right when she said everyone got pre-wedding jitters.

The minutes flew by, and I barely took anything in. Everything seemed to be moving too fast for me to follow them. The priest was asking us to recite things, which we did, but none of it held any meaning. When the priest said the following words, however, I gave everyone in the church my full attention.

"If any person here has any reason to believe that these two people should not be married, please speak now or forever hold your peace."

I stared into the crowd, silently hoping that Nathan would stand up and tell everyone that he was still in love with me. A few moments of silence passed before the priest continued, and I felt myself let out a deep, regretful sigh.

And then, the moment of truth finally came. The priest turned to me and said, "Do you, Hayley Anne James, take Ethan Joseph Graham to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

I hesitated, a million thoughts running through my mind. I thought of nights by the lake, days spent laughing and long drives in a black Mercedes. I thought of piercing blue eyes, rough hands and lips that felt so good against mine. But I knew, and I had always known, that they were only memories.

Taking one final deep breath, I said, very clearly, "I do." I slipped the gold band around Ethan's finger, watching as the priest turned his attention to Ethan.

"And do you, Ethan Joseph Graham, take Hayley Anne James to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Ethan hesitated much longer than I had, his eyes clouded and dark. His hands were still shaking, and I felt my stomach drop; I looked imploringly into his eyes, searching them for something, _anything._

He opened his mouth, his hands slowly slipping away from mine. "I...don't."

Gasps of shock rippled through the church, the priest's mouth falling open; I felt my face heat up, my mind reeling.

"What?" I asked him, my voice high and shrill; my throat was slowly closing.

He looked around, swallowing hard. "I just...I know this isn't right, Hayley. I've known it, and I should've said it sooner, but I couldn't...I'm so sorry for doing it like this. But I think you know, deep down, that this doesn't feel right."

I couldn't speak; I had always thought that I'd be the one to walk away from him, and now the opposite was happening at the most inopportune moment of my life.

"I really do love you," he said, squeezing my hand before letting it go. "But we both know this isn't what either of us wanted."

And without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, alone, at the altar.

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**Thanks for reading please review and tell me what you think.**


	15. Chapter 15

**WOW keep the reviews coming, it's wonderful to know what you think.**

**On a sadder note there are one possibly two more chapter to go before this story is complete, on that note i hope you all enjoy what is to come and please dont hate me when you read the ending of the chapter thanks and happy reading..**

**Peyton's P.O.V**

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People were on their feet, frenzied conversations spreading across the church like wildfire, but as far as Peyton could see, Hayley had not yet moved. Her mouth was thin and straight, and her face was expressionless. Her eyes, however, were shining, and Peyton knew it was only a matter of time before she would start to run.

Peyton could still barely believe what had just happened. She had hoped for weeks that Hayley would come to her senses and call off the wedding, but as the days dwindled down to mere hours, she had been relying on Nathan to step up and stop the marriage from happening. Never would she have suspected Ethan of calling the whole thing off, especially in front of over two hundred people. Her mind, quite literally, was blown.

Rachel and Brooke still stood beside her, their mouths agape; quietly, Peyton nudged them and whispered, "We've got to do something."

"Right," Rachel said, taking a few steps towards Hayley. "Brooke, perhaps you should make an announcement while I try to get Hayley out of the church."

Nodding, Brooke made her way to the center of the altar, squeezing Hayley's hand reassuringly as she did so. This seemed to bring Hayley out of the daze she had been lost in; instantly, her head snapped up and her breathing came in short, uneven bursts, and Peyton knew exactly what was going to happen next.

Glancing quickly at the crowd that was growing more restless by the minute, Hayley lifted up the skirt of her dress and began to run. Peyton reached out to her, but it was too late; within seconds she had disappeared through the tall, wooden doors, her dress trailing behind her.

"Er," Brooke began, her voice magnified by the microphone, "everyone, could I have your attention please?"

The conversations and arguments ceased momentarily, all eyes soon on Brooke. She fidgeted nervously, tucking a strand of chestnut hair behind her ear. "As you're all aware, the wedding has very obviously been cancelled. Unfortunately we have no other information at this time, so...um...I guess it's all right for all of you to leave."

Sitting in the first pew, Peyton could see her Uncle Jim's face growing redder by the second. She had never seen him look so absolutely livid. Olivia was obviously attempting to calm him down, but her efforts were futile; he stood from his seat and stormed out of the church. Peyton already knew that he was fully intending to find Ethan and _physically_ let him know how he felt about him leaving his daughter at the altar. She sighed, shaking her head slightly.

People were beginning to filter out into the aisle, shocked expressions still splashed across their faces; many of the older women in the crowd were chattering rapidly to anyone who would listen, looking scandalized. Peyton's eyes fell to Lydia, Hayley's mother, and her boyfriend Alan; his arm was wrapped around her shoulders as she shook her head sadly, a tissue grasped tightly in her hand. She attempted to walk towards them, but before she reached them they had disappeared into the crowd.

Ethan's parents, along with the rest of his family, had departed long before anyone else had started to stir in their seats; they had known that they would be the object of intense scrutiny after their son had abandoned his own wedding. Towards the middle of the church, Peyton could see Jake having a seemingly heated conversation with Nathan; his face was red and he was pointing his finger accusingly in his face. Narrowing her eyes, Peyton began walking towards them, her movements quick; just as she reached the pew, Nathan pushed past her and stormed out of the church. Natalie looked quite shaken up, her eyes wide and shining; sighing, Peyton moved past Lucas, Leah and Jake towards her.

"He said he needed to talk to her," Natalie said as soon as Peyton was within earshot. "See if she was all right. It's understandable, isn't it? They're obviously still friends. What have I got to worry about?"

She was rambling, obviously upset; Peyton put a tentative hand on her shoulder and said, softly, "It's all right, Natalie. Let's get you outside into the fresh air."

Natalie obediently did as she was instructed and followed Peyton out of the church; looking overhead, Peyton could see that the clear sky was rapidly darkening. People were gathered outside the church, obviously waiting to see if something even more dramatic would happen; rolling her eyes, Peyton ignored them and led Natalie to a more secluded corner.

"Look," Peyton said, taking in a deep breath, "something awful has just happened to Hayley, and it was Nathan's first instinct to go after her. I'm sure he didn't mean to rush out and leave you there the way he did, but he knows Hayley better than most people do. He knew that left to her own devices, she would've done something stupid and impulsive and she would've made an even bigger mess of the whole situation."

Natalie simply nodded, seemingly unable to speak. Her eyes traveled upwards towards the sky, folding her arms neatly across her chest.

"It's not what you think it is," Peyton said, although in the back of her mind she silently hoped that it was. Still, she did not want to see Natalie hurt, especially not like this.

"I wouldn't have thought anything of it, really," Natalie said suddenly, her eyes still not meeting Peyton's. "But Jake said something to him that just... it didn't sit right with me. I don't know."

"What did he say?" Peyton asked her quickly.

"He told him that now wasn't the time. It could have so many meanings, at least I think so. I also think that I may be overanalyzing the entire situation."

"Is that why they were arguing?" Peyton asked, remembering the heated exchange the two had shared.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "Nathan told him to mind his own business, and it just escalated from there. It was almost as if I wasn't even there, the way they were carrying on."

"I don't think Jake meant anything by that," Peyton assured her. "I think he just meant she needed some time to herself, that she didn't need to be bothered by anyone. But, as I said, Nathan knows her a bit better than Jake does, and he knew that she really needed a friend."

"Then why couldn't you go?" Natalie asked sharply, her eyes finally meeting Peyton's. "Or anyone else, really? Why did it have to be Nathan?"

Peyton soon found that she did not know how to answer Natalie's question, because there were no logical answers that she could give her. Why _did_ it have to be Nathan that went after her? Why couldn't it have been someone else? She, of course, knew the true answer, but she could not bring herself to tell that to Natalie.

Instead, she decided to say the only thing she could think of that would hopefully cause the least amount of damage.

Shaking her head, she said quietly, "I don't know."

**

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Hayley's P.O.V.

"But, miss, that's not what we were paid to do," the limo driver said to me, looking nervous.

"But you _were_ paid, right?" I said angrily, pushing past him into the limo. "That means I own you for the next four hours. Drive, damn it!"

"Yes ma'am," the driver said as he hurriedly scampered to the driver's side door. Without another word, he started the engine and peeled out into the street, headed towards the countryside.

I rested my forehead against the cool glass of the window, closing my eyes and letting out a quiet sigh. The scene was replaying itself over and over again in my mind, and each time it did my stomach churned a bit more. I couldn't get the image of Ethan's face out of my mind; his eyes had been so wide, so scared. And, his hands had been shaking; I had felt them all throughout the ceremony, slowly slipping away from mine.

As Tree Hill slowly dissolved into the vast beauty of the countryside, I couldn't help but feel an odd mixture of sadness and relief. I had always known that Ethan would never make me happy, at least not in the way I wanted to be. But I had always thought it would be _me_ who walked out on him, who left him behind. I had never even thought of the possibility of it being the other way around. He had seemed too oblivious to my own unhappiness, too wrapped up in his own sublimely euphoric world, but perhaps he really had known all along.

Or, perhaps, he had been unhappy, too.

I had never allowed myself to consider that possibility up until then, as I sat alone in a spacious limousine that was headed forty miles north of where it was originally supposed to be. Maybe Ethan had been as unhappy as I had been. Maybe he, too, thought that there was something, _someone_ out there that was better for him. Maybe he hadn't believed in us as much as I'd thought he had.

What I couldn't quite understand was why he had decided to wait until our wedding day to tell me that he didn't want to marry me anymore. Why hadn't he told me a month, a week, a day, an _hour_ before we were standing at the altar in front of hundreds of people? I realized then that what was bothering me wasn't that Ethan had walked away, it was how he'd done it. He had humiliated me in front of my family, my friends, and, most horrifying of all, Nathan.

"Miss James?" the driver said nervously, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I looked at him sharply, suddenly feeling quite stupid sitting there in my wedding dress. I smoothed it down, playing with the end of my veil anxiously. "Yes?" I said, biting my lip.

"Well...we've arrived," he said, his face red. "What would you like me to do now?"

"You can leave," I said without really thinking about it. "Just go back. I'll find a way home later."

"Are you sure, ma'am?" he asked, looking as though he couldn't wait to finally be rid of me.

"Yes," I said, opening the door and stepping out. "Thank you for driving me here. I appreciate it."

"It was nothing, ma'am," he said, tipping his hat towards me as he pulled away. I watched the limo pull back onto the small country lane and drove back towards the city, getting smaller and smaller until finally, it disappeared.

I turned away from the road and allowed my eyes to settle on the lake that stretched endlessly before me. There were small, choppy waves rolling onto the shore, splashing against the rocks that surrounded it. I kicked off my shoes into a nearby bush and felt the sand gather between my toes as I walked closer and closer to the shoreline, not bothering to lift the hem of my dress; looking down, I could see that it was already dirtied.

I reached the shoreline and let the cold water roll over my feet. I lifted my head towards the sky, noticing the dark clouds beginning to form overhead; storms were coming, but I found that I didn't quite care. I wanted my dress to get ruined, wanted my hair to fall out of its elegant up-do, wanted my makeup to run down my face. I just wanted to be myself again, something I hadn't been for quite some time.

I sat down on the sand and took my veil off, twirling it around in my hands as I studied it. And, without putting much thought into the decision at all, I threw it out into the lake, watching as the waves carried it away from me. I just wanted to be rid of it all; I wanted to erase every possible reminder of this horrible, wretched day.

The lake reminded me so much of my eighteenth summer and of the boy I had so quickly fallen in love with. Everything that defined who we had been seemed to have happened at this location, our memories associated with the sound of waves crashing against rocks. I could not help but think of him then, his piercing blue eyes flashing through my mind as a clap of thunder resonated throughout the still April air.

He had had his reasons for walking away from me, just as I had had mine for not going after him. But now none of that seemed to matter; maybe it never had. Maybe we had just been scared.

"Hayley."

I jumped, feeling my feet sink deeper into the cold water; turning around sharply, my eyes landed upon him, still in his suit, his car barely visible behind the tall grass.

"I thought I'd find you here," Nathan said, taking a few steps closer to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, folding my arms over my chest.

"I just thought that maybe you'd need someone to talk to," he said, making stick figures in the sand with his shoe.

"Yeah, I'm still not understanding why you're here," I said, a bit harsher than I had intended. "I needed someone to talk to three months ago, but you just walked out."

He stared at me for several moments, his eyes burning with something I couldn't quite decipher. "You know why I had to do that," he said simply, offering no other explanation.

The truth was that I did know, but I was suddenly angry and I wanted nothing more than to hurl him, suit and all, into the icy lake.

"I do know," I said, standing up and facing him. "You're right, I do. So that's why I'm _still_ wondering why you're here."

"You know I still care, Hayley," he said softly. "I just...I had to see if you were all right."

"I'm fine," I snapped, a sudden gust of wind whipping through the air, sending my hair flying around my head.

"You're fine," he repeated, and I noticed that his hair was wild and disheveled from the wind.

I nodded. "Humiliated, but fine," I said, suddenly wishing I hadn't. Still, I continued on; it was as though I couldn't stop the words from pouring out of my mouth. "I mean, I got left at the altar. How pathetic is that? Actually, what's even more pathetic is that I didn't want to marry him, but I was too goddamn stubborn to admit my own unhappiness. So I went ahead and said 'I do' when I really didn't mean it at all, but at least Ethan had the guts to say 'I don't.' Granted, it was at an extremely inopportune time, but at least _someone_ ended it."

Nathan stared at me, perhaps wondering if my rant had come to a close. When I said nothing more, he sighed and said, "So, basically, you're relieved."

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, my voice much softer than it had been before. "I didn't want to marry him, Nathan. You had to have known that."

He nodded. "I did, especially after...well, you know," he said.

"So where does that leave you?" I asked him quietly, kicking some sand with my feet. Another clap of thunder crashed through the air, and we both looked overhead to discover that the sky was now almost completely blackened.

"What do you mean?" he asked, burying his hands deep within his pockets.

"If you knew that I didn't want to marry Ethan just because I slept with you, should the same line of thinking apply to you? Should I believe that, underneath it all, you don't really want to marry Natalie because you slept with me?" I stared at him fiercely, my hair blowing wildly all around me.

"I..." he began, seemingly at a loss for words. He paused and sighed heavily, a conflicted look splashing across his face. "I have tried so hard, Hayley, to put you and everything about our relationship behind me. You left me, remember? And I thought you were never coming back, so I moved on. But then you did come back, and it changed everything. And ever since, I've been questioning everything."

He took a step closer to me; mere inches were separating us now. "But I can't question it anymore," he said softly, his eyes half-closed. "I have to do the right thing. You know that."

I suddenly remembered the stubborn girl I had once been, never allowing myself to get too attached to anyone or anything for fear of getting hurt. But now, I knew, none of that mattered. I couldn't let him walk away again, not before he knew exactly how I felt. At that moment, getting hurt seemed inevitable but completely necessary.

Without further hesitation, I closed the space between us and brought my lips crashing against his, kissing him with every bit of passion I felt for him. The sky suddenly opened as another crack of thunder reverberated throughout the night, rain pouring down upon us. My hands were in his hair and his hands were in mine, and he was kissing me so fiercely, so urgently, that I knew it would soon end.

He pulled away from me sharply, shaking his head as raindrops fell down his face like tears. He was breathing heavily, his lips swollen.

"Tell me that doesn't feel like the right thing to do!" I shouted, feeling hot, angry tears burning my eyes.

"Maybe now you can understand how I felt all those years ago when you turned and walked away from me!" he yelled, his eyes burning with intensity. "I told you the same things you're telling me now, only you wouldn't listen! And now you think because you've finally realized what a huge mistake you've made, you can change everything to be the way you want it to? It doesn't work that way, Hayley!"

"I was eighteen, Nathan! I was scared out of my mind of letting somebody in after seeing what happened to my parents! I made a mistake, and I know that! I'm just asking you not to make the same one I made!" The tears had finally spilled over and were traveling down my face rapidly, something Nathan seemed to notice; his expression softened briefly, his eyes clouding over.

"I've made a commitment to Natalie, Hayley," he said, his voice much softer than it had been before. "You're too late."

I felt as though I had just been punched in the stomach exceptionally hard. I stared at him for several long, tension-filled moments before finally allowing myself to speak again.

"Then stop coming around," I said, anger burning through me like a thousand white-hot knives. "Stop checking up on me, stop talking to me, stop everything! If you don't want to be with me, then stop acting like you do! Because I'm just...I'm just done. I'm done trying to fix this."

Nathan stared at me for several moments, his eyes burning, but said nothing more as he dug in his pockets for his car keys and drove off into the storm, leaving me standing there in my wedding dress, alone, for the second time that day.

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**Sorry all about the ending but it had to be done.. please don't hate me.. review and let me know what you think. **


	16. Final Chapter

**Hey all last chapter, Hope you like. **

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Hayley's P.O.V

"You're lucky that you made me your maid of honor, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered coming out this far to get you," Peyton said to me with a hint of a smile on her face, helping me get into the car. She stuffed the skirt of my gown into the small, cramped Mini Cooper, successfully managing to cram everything inside.

I didn't say much as she got into the driver's seat and started the engine, driving away from the lake as she pulled onto the road. I focused my attention on the windshield, watching as the wipers moved frantically from side to side, pushing aside the never-ending onslaught of rain. A streak of lightning flashed threateningly across the sky, but I paid it no mind; even the thunderstorm couldn't lift my spirits.

I felt as though the end had finally come. Even as Nathan had walked out the morning after we'd slept together, I'd silently hoped that he'd be back, and after he came back everything would be different between us. But now, as we drove back to Tree Hill and the empty flat that awaited me there, I knew that he wasn't going to come back. He had had so many chances to change things, but he had chosen to walk away. I couldn't change the decision he seemed to have made long before the night we'd slept together. We had played the game, but now, finally, it was over.

"So," Peyton said timidly, drumming her fingertips against the steering wheel, "are you going to tell me what happened, or are you going to let me use my imagination?"

I sighed, pressing my forehead against the cool glass of the window. I didn't want to say anything at all. If I told Peyton about everything that had happened, it would make it seem too real. I almost wished that I could live the rest of my life in an ignorant oblivion, never feeling, never knowing.

"I don't know what to say," I said quietly, refusing to look her in the eyes. "Except, I guess, that it's over."

"You and Nathan, you mean?" she said, her tone barely changing.

"Yes," I replied, nodding.

"How can it be over if it never really began?" she asked, turning to face me. "I thought you never picked up where you left off all those years ago."

I could feel my face heating up as vivid images from the night Nathan and I had shared together flashed through my mind. "We slept together," I said simply, and suddenly I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my chest.

Peyton slammed on the brakes, and I felt my world spinning as the car swerved off of the road. The car finally screeched to a halt in the middle of a grassy patch of land; trying desperately to catch my breath, I turned towards Peyton and stared at her in bewilderment.

"Are you _insane?_" I shrieked, pulling at the ends of my hair. "You could've killed us!"

"It's your own fault for dropping a bomb like that on me while I'm driving!" she yelled, her eyes wide and surprised. "I can't believe you slept with him, Hayley! And more importantly, I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I didn't want anybody to know," I said, calming down slightly. "I was ashamed. And, besides...he rejected me. Obviously."

"When did this happen?" she asked, shock still etched into every inch of her face.

"January," I said, suddenly finding it very difficult to look her in the eyes. "That night we all went out to the club."

"I should've known," she said, more to herself than to me. "I should've known something was going on when you left with him."

"I didn't plan for it to happen, if that's what you're implying," I said somewhat defensively. "We got caught up in the moment. That's all."

"And then what?" she asked.

"And then...nothing," I said, sighing. "He told me he couldn't be with me. He told me he had made a commitment to Natalie that he couldn't break. And then he left."

"God, and I always thought you were the thick-headed prat," she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes.

"No, really," she said, suddenly serious. "I can't believe he walked away from you."

"Not only once, but twice," I said, feeling my stomach give another sickening lurch. "He had another chance tonight, but he walked away. I just feel like now...maybe it's finally the end. You know?"

"Maybe not," she said, resting her head against the cool leather of the seat. "Maybe he's just scared, Hayley. Just like you used to be."

"I think it's a little different this time around," I said, shaking my head. "He's getting married, and he won't back out of it. He's made his choice. So now I've got to make mine."

"And what's that?" she asked quietly, her eyes staring deep into mine.

I took a deep breath, my resolve slowly strengthening. "I'm going to move on," I said, shrugging. "There's nothing else I can do."

She stared at me for a moment before turning the ignition and pulling back out onto the road, her eyes focused on the windshield. As was her custom, she remained silent instead of telling me what she thought, something I was both grateful for and resentful of at the same time. I felt like I needed her to tell me that I was wrong, but at the same time I needed her to support me. I didn't know what I felt or what I was thinking; sighing, I returned my attention back to the window, watching as more rain pounded against the pavement outside.

"Let's just go home," she said, a smile in her voice. "You've had a rough day."

"Yeah," I said, once again resting my head against the cool glass of the window. "Let's go home."

* * *

The early May sunshine was warm against my skin as I walked down a street, a cold frappuccino tightly secured in my hand. The large sunglasses I had chosen to wear that afternoon partially concealed my identity from passersby in the street, many of whom still recognized me from the various tabloid articles that had been printed in the days following my wedding, or lack thereof. The last thing I wanted was for someone else to ask me how I was after my little fiasco, as if being left at the altar in front of two hundred people wasn't already humiliating enough.

I was on my way to Rachel's flat, which, naturally, was on the opposite end of town. Taking a taxi had not seemed appealing that afternoon as I'd stepped out of my building, realizing what a beautiful day it was. I hadn't had any amount of proper exercise since April; I had chosen to stay locked up in my flat, only emerging when absolutely unavoidable. I had been so upset about Nathan and so humiliated over Ethan that I hadn't wanted to face the world, but now the wounds were starting to heal. I took a large sip of my frappuccino, my feet carrying me ever closer to Rachel's building.

The street was becoming more crowded by the minute, and I hurriedly pushed myself through the tangles of people that had seemingly appeared out of thin air. Someone roughly bumped against me, causing my drink to drop from my grasp and splatter all over the warm pavement. I sighed, looking at the culprit in annoyance; when my eyes met his, my heart stopped.

"Oh, god," I said in a barely audible whisper, my mouth hanging open in shock.

"Hayley," Ethan said, a mix of relief and panic splashed across his face. "I..."

He stopped, staring at me for several long, agonizing moments. People were moving all around us, shooting us annoyed glares, but neither of us seemed to notice. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, my stomach churning uncomfortably.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" he said at last, his eyes shining.

"Yeah," I said without really thinking about it. I found myself following him down the street into a quiet café, suddenly realizing that I needed to hear what he had to say. I suddenly desperately needed to know the reason behind him walking out of the church that day, leaving me at the altar all alone.

We found a small table in the back of the café and we sat down, staring at our hands for several long moments before either of us spoke. Finally, Ethan cleared his throat and brought his eyes up to meet mine, a sad expression taking over his features.

"I'm so sorry," he said, reaching for my hand. "God, Hayley. I'm so, so sorry."

I remained silent, feeling the pressure of his hand against mine. I merely looked at him, biting my lip, silently asking him to continue.

"If I could take back what I did, I would do it in a heartbeat," he continued, shaking his head sadly. "I wish I would've gotten the nerve to end it before the wedding. But I was so nervous, so afraid of hurting you. But I ended up doing just that, and I did it in the worst possible way."

Still, I said nothing. I did not quite know what to say to him, so instead I chose to say nothing at all.

"I know you must be furious with me, and for good reason," he said, squeezing my hand tighter. "But...it's like I told you before I left the church. We both knew that it wasn't what either of us wanted."

"So you didn't want to marry me?" I said, my eyes staring straight into his.

He hesitated. "I thought I did. I really did. And, to be totally honest with you, Hayley, I still love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. But to get married...it wouldn't have been fair to either of us, would it?"

I shook my head, but said nothing. I was finally understanding what he meant.

"I know that you're still in love with him, Hayley," he said, and I noticed how he refused to say Nathan's name. "And I think I always knew. I couldn't marry someone who was still so obviously in love with someone else."

"Ethan," I said, feeling tears spring to my eyes, "I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than what I gave you."

"You can't help how you feel, Hayley," he said, shrugging. "You love him. And I know you love me, too, but I also know that it's not the kind of love I wanted you to feel."

"I'm sorry," I said again, determined not to let the tears fall. "I should never have made you believe that I felt differently. I was just...I thought if I married you, I'd forget about him. I know that sounds terrible, and I'm so sorry, but I don't know what else to say."

He squeezed my hand again, a small smile spreading across his lips. "You don't have to say anything else," he said. "We were both wrong, and we both realize the mistakes we made. I just wish it would've ended better, you know?"

"Yeah," I said, a smile of my own coming to my lips. "I mean, if we could've sorted all this out _before_ we were at the altar, it would've been great."

He laughed, shaking his head. "Leave it to you to make a joke out of a serious situation."

"Of course," I said, shrugging. "How else do you expect me to deal with the bad things in life?"

He stared at me for a few moments, his smile fading slightly from his lips. "I do love you, Hayley," he said, squeezing my hand for a final time. "And I really want you to be happy."

I shook my head, a sad smile on my face. "He's getting married. And, I think he's a bit more determined to go through with the ceremony than we were."

"The Hayley I know doesn't give up," he said, his eyes penetrating my own. "Take it from me, Hayley. If you've found someone you can love, you don't want to let that go."

"Maybe," I said, my sad smile still spread across my face.

We stood from the table then, and without hesitating I reached for him and pulled him into a hug, inhaling his scent one last time. It was bittersweet, knowing that we'd probably never see each other again; after a few moments, he let me go, his eyes shining as he walked out of the café. I turned and watched him go; within seconds, he had disappeared into the busy street outside.

* * *

"I know this isn't the best time to tell you this, considering everything that just happened, but you're my best friend and you deserve to know first," Peyton said at lightning speed, her face flushed and her eyes twinkling brightly. She held up her left hand, a sparkling diamond ring sitting comfortably on her finger. "I'm getting married!"

I felt a surge of happiness for her, my face breaking out into a large grin. "Peyton! That's awesome! Congratulations!"

She was still smiling, but something in her gaze had changed. "Are you sure it's awesome? I mean, I know you're probably the last person on earth who wants to talk about a wedding."

I shook my head. "Actually, Peyton, everything's okay. I talked to Ethan today."

"You did?" she asked in bewilderment, her eyes going wide.

I nodded. "Yeah. And everything's okay now. Really."

"Everything's okay?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows slightly. "He left you at the altar, and you have one conversation and suddenly everything's fine?"

"Basically," I said, shrugging. "There's no reason for me to be angry anymore. He apologized for walking out on me, but he didn't apologize for not wanting to marry me. I respect that."

"I'm not following," she said, looking baffled.

"Peyton, I didn't want to marry him," I said, slightly exasperated. "You knew that. I know you did. And, it just so happens that he knew it too. He told me he loved me, but it wasn't fair to either of us to enter into that marriage. He was right."

"That's true," she said, nodding. "It was what you wanted, just not the way you wanted it to happen."

"Exactly," I replied, settling back into the comfortable cushions of the couch. "I don't think Ethan and I will ever see each other again, but...I'm okay with it. We made our peace, and that's all that matters."

"Listen to Miss Positive Attitude," Peyton said, a grin beginning to form on her lips. "You never cease to surprise me, Hayley."

"What's the point in dwelling on the negative?" I said, ignoring the pang in my stomach as Nathan flashed briefly through my thoughts. "It doesn't get you anywhere. Besides, there's a lot to be happy about. For one, you're getting married."

Peyton beamed, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I almost can't believe it. I've wanted this for so long, and now that I've finally gotten it, it doesn't seem real."

"Well, that diamond sure as hell is," I said, grabbing her hand and examining the ring more closely.

She laughed, her eyes finding mine; her smile still spread wide across her face, she said, "So, you know what I've got to ask you now."

"What?" I asked, staring at her curiously.

"Hayley," she said dramatically, taking hold of my hand and staring deeply into my eyes, "will you be my maid of honor?"

"Oh, I thought you'd never ask!" I squealed, and we both dissolved into a fit of laughter. After a few moments, I stopped chuckling long enough to ask, "So, have you lovebirds set a date yet?"

"We want a long engagement," she said, her eyes straying to her ring once more. "We don't want to rush it. We're thinking sometime next September."

"That will be a long engagement," I said, nodding. "But I think that's for the best, you know? You'll be able to plan the wedding you've always wanted to have."

"Exactly." She smiled at me, her eyes still sparkling with a happiness I'd never seen within them before. I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement for her as I stared at the diamond sparkling brightly on her finger; even though I didn't get my own happy ending, at least Peyton would. Somebody had to, after all.

* * *

The sky was clear on the early afternoon of June seventeenth, the sun shining brightly, bathing Tree Hill in its warmth. I sat at my window, staring blankly at the millions of scenes unfolding before my eyes. My stomach had been in knots for over a week, silently dreading the day that was finally upon me. I had been reminded repeatedly that it was Nathan Scott's wedding day. His face was plastered over every magazine cover I laid my eyes on, my heart sinking a bit further into my chest each time I saw his bright, smiling face staring back at me.

I had planned on spending the day in a state of numb oblivion with a never-ending supply of rum in the fridge, but I had yet to pour myself a drink. I was tired of temporary fixes and small moments where the pain didn't feel as real. I was tired of numbing myself to everyone and everything; for once, I just wanted to feel. I could feel my heart pounding faster and faster as the minutes passed; I nervously bit my lip as three o'clock came and went, my stomach churning unpleasantly. Releasing a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding, the truth hit me: Nathan was now a married man.

"Oh god," I said under my breath, my head spinning. I knew I could not be so foolish as to believe that his wedding had gone the way mine had. As I was feeling my heart breaking into a million little pieces, he was on his way to his wedding reception, a smile on his lips as he pressed them against his wife's.

_His wife,_ I thought to myself, a chill racing down my spine. Any hope I'd been harvesting in the back of my mind had shattered as the full, agonizing truth hit me. Nathan had finally made his choice; his new life was about to begin, and there was no room left in it for me.

I turned away from the window and threw myself onto the couch, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. "Everything will be okay," I said to myself, not fully believing the words that had just left my lips. I shook my head, knowing that I would never truly be _okay_ ever again. I had lost the one thing in my life that had made me feel like I was more than I ever thought I could be, and it was my fault that he was gone. He was afraid now, just like I'd been, and I'd done that to him.

The sun was still filtering in through the open windows when I felt my phone vibrate, my eyes falling to the screen. Peyton Sawyer_ calling. Accept or ignore?_ Sighing, I pressed _ignore_ and let my head fall back onto the soft cushions of the couch. I closed my eyes, shutting out the world as I fell into a fitful, restless sleep.

* * *

It was the knocking that pulled me out of my slumber, incessant and urgent. I sat up on the couch, wiping my eyes distractedly as I stood up and walked towards the door. I glanced quickly at my cell phone, ignoring the three missed calls; I was only interested in the time. It was nearly midnight. Once more, my stomach began to churn; who would be visiting me at this hour?

Tentatively, I unlocked the door and placed my hand on the doorknob, slowly turning it. I pulled the door open, my stomach dropping at the sight before me.

Nathan was standing there in his suit, his tie loose around his neck; his eyes were blazing with something I hadn't seen floating within them since my eighteenth summer. Without a word of explanation, he stepped over the threshold and cupped my face in his hands, bringing his lips crashing against mine. Suddenly, everything seemed to make sense.

He pulled away from me, his eyes penetrating my own. "I love you," he said breathlessly, his hands finding their way into my tangled hair.

"What?" I said, entirely confused, my eyes wide and disbelieving.

"I love you," he repeated. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, and I thought it was time I finally told you that."

"But," I began, my mind spinning, "your wedding was today. You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be celebrating with your new wife."

"I couldn't do it," he said, shaking his head. "I walked into the church and I knew I couldn't go through with it. I thought about everything you said to me that night at the lake, and I finally realized that I was about to spend the rest of my life with a woman I didn't love when I had the chance to be with the love of my life all along. I was such a bloody fool, Hayley."

I felt as though the moment wasn't happening, like I was still stuck in a state of semi-consciousness. It seemed like everything and nothing made sense all at once. He wasn't supposed to be in my flat, telling me that he'd made a mistake. He was supposed to be with his wife in a posh hotel room, celebrating his new marriage.

But he wasn't, and that had to mean something.

"I heard everything you said that night at the lake," he continued, his hands finding mine. "And I knew that you were right. But I was scared. I was so afraid that you were going to run away from me, just like you'd done before. But today I finally realized that I'd given you every reason in the world to run away – I'd rejected you twice, for Christ's sake – but you didn't. And that's when I knew that you were different."

My stomach flipped as he moved even closer to me, his eyes burning with intensity. "I'm so sorry for running away from you," he said softly, squeezing my hands tightly.

"You can't – you can't expect everything to just be okay now," I said shakily, my hands falling away from his.

"I know," he said, his eyes shining. "But I want to try to make things better. Let me, Hayley."

Every ounce of logic I possessed was screaming at me to tell him to go. He thought he could waltz back into my life at his convenience and just expect me to forgive him, to just pick up where we'd left off. My pride was damaged and begged me to hurt him as much as he'd hurt me, but I knew that I couldn't. For the first time in my life, I was going to choose happiness, the happiness I should've had all along.

Without saying a word, I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my lips gently against his, kissing him softly. We stood there for what felt like hours wrapped up in each other; I wasn't sure how much time had passed. Eventually we found our way to the couch and we sat beside each other in comfortable silence, our hands laced together.

"You know, this seems entirely too much like the movies," I said after a few minutes of silence had passed between us. "My wedding is called off, your wedding is called off, and then you suddenly appear and declare your undying love for me. If I wasn't so happy, I think I'd have to vomit from the sappiness."

He laughed, his head resting against the back of the couch. "Maybe it is a bit clichéd," he said, shrugging, "but after every bad thing that happened to get us to this point, don't you think we deserve our own happy ending?"

I stared at him for a moment, a small smile making its way onto my lips. I realized at that moment that I would never love anyone like I loved Nathan, and that I had finally gotten the ending I deserved.

"Besides," he said, wrapping his arm securely around my shoulders, "I think I always knew that, in the end, it was you I'd end up with."

Still smiling, I leaned into him and placed a small kiss upon his lips. "I love you," I whispered, realizing that it was the first time I'd truly said those three words to him. "I really do."

He smiled, bringing me closer to him. As we sat there on the couch, nothing but time stretching ahead of us, I knew that I'd finally reached my destiny. Finally, I'd ended up exactly where I was supposed to be. I rested my head against Nathan's chest, a feeling of contentment settling over me, a single thought resting in my mind.

The oddities of destiny would never cease to amaze me.


End file.
